I am rendered speechless, on an almost daily basis, by God’s incredible faithfulness. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the many daily blessings that He bestows upon me.
I’m almost glad there is no way to fully capture His love into words, because it’s something that has to be experienced.
God wants us to encounter Him. No two experiences are ever the same. There are similarities in our stories, yes, but every single one of us gets a tailor-made, once in a lifetime relationship with our Creator.
My gratitude overflows. My heart feels as though it will burst from joy most days. There is chaos all around me but all I feel is His peace.
I look back over the last 19 years and I see how God has answered every frantic prayer that I ever made, long before I even really knew Him.
God has always been faithful. I look back and see His hand at work in every detail, and how through it all, He has always gone before me to carefully arrange things for me. The years have not been easy, but getting here, to Him, having this relationship with my Creator, has been worth all of it and more.
The remembrance of His past faithfulness propels me into this new season with a confidence I did not think me capable of. Some days, I still don’t.
The last 4 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. To say that it has been a painful adjustment period, is an understatement.
In a way, none of the changes seem real, and yet I know deep inside my heart that nothing will ever be the same again… and my gratitude overflows.
In early June, after some intense days of mourning the loss of my life as I knew it, [I am not so great with change yet and there have been a lot of changes] I promised God that while I learned to navigate the road He had chosen for us, I would simply say ‘yes’ more often to His opportunities.
It has not been easy to say ‘Yes, Lord’ more, even on little things, I will not deny that. I struggle with my obedience, particularly when I don’t understand or can’t see what He is doing. It comes from a place of self-doubt, usually but it’s disobedience nonetheless, and it breaks me because I hate to disappoint Him. But God in all his gracious mercy always finds new and creative ways to get my attention, to confirm His word, and encourage me forward by reminding me of who He is and how faithful He always has been to us.
My God is a God of miracles.
He is a God of restoration.
A God of provision.
A God of revelation.
He does the impossible every single day.
For all of that and so much more, I am forever THANKFUL.
I am blessed to see His hand at work, and I’ve become so reliant on what I see that I question the steps that require blind faith.
My whole life, I was searching for this, for Him. I did not always understand that, but on some deeper level, I always knew that nothing the world offered satisfied, and the explanations for the emptiness that drives us, just did not make sense to me.
I ran from God. I was searching for Him without realizing I was missing the very thing that I was running from, and now that I found Him and He has welcomed me Home with open arms, I strive for perfection and get frustrated with myself when I inevitably fall short, of course.
I am very much His work in progress, and I comprehend that perfection is not attainable. God is not looking for perfect, He is looking for heart.
We have all heard how God saved Jonah from the whale, but no one wants to get into how he landed himself in the whale in the first place.
Jonah was a prophet on the run, he was selfish and therefore disobedient. He was more concerned with how he looked to those around him than he was with pleasing the Lord. Jonah’s decision to run put others at risk, and even after being rescued, after begrudgingly doing as he was commanded and seeing God’s mighty hand at work, Jonah finishes his story by exemplifying the very thing we are at our very core, selfish.
See, God showed mercy to the people of Nineveh, who repented because of His message via Jonah, making Jonah look a fool when His prediction of doom did not come to pass, which made Jonah angry. Jonah was so concerned with himself that he refused to see the beauty of God’s mercy and grace. None of us are any more deserving of God’s forgiveness and grace than the people of Nineveh were. Jonah definitely wasn’t, what with his running away and anger issues. And neither am I.
I do not wish to have a heart that is hard and self-centered.
I do not want to let my own expectations and lack of understanding become a hindrance to my walk with God.
I do not want to hold on to anger and resentment.
I do not want to be untrusting, and unforgiving, and without wanting to be,
there are too many times when I am just that, yet in the midst of my worst,
God shows me just that, mercy, forgiveness and grace.
God sees my heart, he sees my struggles. There is so much I do not know about tomorrow, but over the course of the last month, God has been preparing me for things that require my complete trust in Him and my obedience. My road is dark and unknown to me, walking it will require me to think less and trust and obey more.
God has taught me that my main concern in all situations should always be, whether or not I am pleasing Him, that honesty is costly and you can’t expect it from cheap people, but I should love them regardless, and that marriage is forged in the hardships.
The best quality in a partner is not how much money he or she makes, but what they are seeking to please God in every aspect of their life. It is important to know who your spouse is and what he is truly capable of when times are hard, the kids are sick, the money is nonexistent and the problems abound.
I also learned that when I find myself in the middle of my very own Exodus, the people going through the wilderness with me are just as important to His process as the posture of my heart. He placed the right people along my path and showed me He can use anything and anyone for His good purpose, and glory, whether they believe in Him or not.
God taught me that wants people who trust Him enough to go through 40 years in the wilderness with song and praise, and that lesson has been the hardest of all for me, but also the most liberating.
Obedience can be painful, but then so is disobedience.
Obedience requires a willingness on my part to do what does not come naturally, because He works in ways that are not always understood going in, just looking back. Obedience requires me to do what is out of my comfort zone. It hurts to put the needs of others above your own but then, Jesus Christ did just that and He is the Son of God, how can we do any less?
Disobedience is worse, in my experience. It takes everything from me and leaves me empty and restless. It drives me to busyness that never satisfies. It brings the pain of consequence with it, which is a different kind of pain.
I have always encountered my Lord and Savior in the midsts of my pain, so in the end, for me, it came down to this:
What am I willing to suffer for?
I praise God when He allows me to be tested, Satan would not work this hard to keep us down unless God had big plans for us for His glory, and so I thank Him when I am broken.
I am grateful to Him for taking the time to shine a light in the dark places, I thank him for choosing to tear me down and build me back up, better and stronger in Him than ever before.
I rejoice for all He has taught me through the struggles. I feel gratitude that He allows me to see His hand at work every day. I’m grateful that He takes the time to correct me after I make a mistake and encourage when doubt starts to creep in
I thank Him for the years of wandering through the barren wilderness, and for those going through it with me. I thank Him for His supernatural provisions. I am thankful for the doors He opens, but most importantly, I am thankful for the doors He closes.
“This change of plans greatly upset Jonah, and he became very angry.
So he complained to the Lord about it: “Didn’t I say before I left home that you would do this, Lord? That is why I ran away to Tarshish! I knew that you are a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. You are eager to turn back from destroying people.
Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.”
The Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this?”
Jonah 4:1-4