I am aware I do it to myself. My mind is a battle ground some days I fear I am loosing. It goes one way, I re-direct it another. It’s a constant tug of war.
Now I sit here overwhelmed. You answered Lord. Above & beyond my expectations. Just when I thought the battle was lost You came through, and reminded me You already won.
Bless Your people, Father.
After things were settled, I took Your advice to Elijah, I ate & went to sleep.
I woke up to more.
And when I felt like You’d out done Yourself by providing the part & the weekly rent, You then sent more to cover everything else. Plus work.
I have no words.
How do You send total strangers as answers to prayers?
When will it be our turn to provide for others again?
How can I explain the fullness of You to someone who’s never experienced You when I have & can barely comprehend it some days.
I feel like I should not be surprised to see that this was how these 30 days ended. In provision. In abundance. In victory.
Thank You, Jesus.
I now understand why Jeremiah wept. It hurts to be transparent in this process & be accused of lying. It hurts to see people so unable and more to the point, unwilling to see. I really do not have the energy to explain & defend. But it hurts to see how jaded society has become. Soften their hearts, Lord. Soften mine. I want to meet their accusations with grace, as I know You would want me to, because I know this wont be the last time this happens. I know people are hurting.
Decades of pain, betrayals & disappointments have us all on the defensive. Always looking for fault, offense, lies. I remember being that person well & I won’t judge a person who does not know You for it. Bless her, Lord. She needs You just as much as I do.
Help us, Jesus. We are learning, seeking but not fully grasping. There is always a new level of praise through the pain. I find myself digging deeper for a strength I don’t feel I possess, but You, God.
You.
My body & mind continues to want to embrace for impact, and it’s causing mental & physical pain & exhaustion. You said I am too distracted and today proved I am. Forgive me, Lord. My eyes are on You.
You’ve saved us, Lord. It’s already done. We each just need to make those conscious choices to honor You. When the world says to meet hate with hate, we hold ourselves accountable to You & no one else. Open our eyes & ears to fully hear, fully understand what it is You are asking of us in every season. To always see You. Bless Your hands & feet, Lord, that they may always do your works for Your glory alone & not their own.
Forgive me for always wanting easier. I know I have so much to be thankful for, I also have much to learn. Teach me, please. Only You can get me through, to the end of my race, with endurance.
I am not scared of much anymore, Jesus, but I am afraid of losing You. Of failing. Of allowing myself to be my own obstacle in my relationship with You, as I used to. You truly are The Only One we need, and I know that. Keep me safe in Your hands, Lord, never let me go.
Thank You for every door you opened, for every way You made, for Your faithfulness & grace.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You.
“Then Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel left her.” Luke 1:38 AMP
My circumstances are just that, they are not what matters. Jesus is.
I know we both know better than to be down by the latest set back, but we are human, we’ve been at this a very long time & these last 30 days have been the hard. How are we going to pay for the room, the parts & everything else? If we are causing our delay, will You just say/send word? It feels as though things have been conspiring against us for so long. We’ve made mistakes & we’ve done our best to learn & do better. I hate feeling like I’m abusing Your grace & theirs, yet the more we aim to please You & live as You’re teaching, the worst things seem to get.
I’ve been impatient & defeated for days. Today I feel like giving up, but I really can’t. Not because we don’t have the means to just pack up & leave, though there is that too. I’ve just come too far with You to turn around now. I can’t imagine ever spending another day w/o You. So now what? We feel stuck. If I can’t go back or forward, what’s left?
Praise.
I am once again reminded of the story of the man & cocoon. I feel just as trapped, struggling. It’s almost suffocating but You truly are the breath in my lungs.
I understand, Jesus. I do. I see more than I should. I understand You so much more than I have any right to, yet like Paul, I seem to do what I shouldn’t.
I don’t want to get tired, frustrated, I don’t want to micro analyze & wonder what I could have done better, different. I want to get things right the first time. I want to not need help. Yes, its prideful but its how I feel. Its ok to need help, I love helping others, but we shouldn’t need it. It’s not a rational way to feel when Your word tells us to care for each other.
I’m tired, Lord. He is tired. I’m tired of watching him battle it out. I struggle to sit idly by unable to help. I Fear time is running out, but only You know for certain. How can I see what is wrong & not Fix it?
Ok. Fine.
How can I not meddle?
I want to breathe in peace, no matter what. I know I can trust You, I need not worry. I want to stop expecting people to change, to step up, to give & not just take. I know how You’re showing me to do things & yet, it’s hard to pour into cracked vessels that do not hold nor pour back, but I can’t fault them for still being broken, Lord.
I’m scared, Jesus. I’m tired. Yet, I know that all of my needs will be met by Your grace, somehow. I do. You are my Provider. My Redeemer. I am safe in Your hands. This hurts but here I will sit & praise, as You have taught me to.
“When Jesus had spoken these things, He raised His eyes to heaven [in prayer] and said, “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, so that Your Son may glorify You. Just as You have given Him power and authority over all mankind, [now glorify Him] so that He may give eternal life to all whom You have given Him [to be His—permanently and forever]. Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true [supreme and sovereign] God, and [in the same manner know] Jesus [as the] Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:1-3 AMP
I should spare you all the rest of this because, again, the title says it all.
This has been a season of spiritual whac-a-mole.
The last year has been a series of events that can only be described as alternating between spiritual whac-a-mole and spiritual boxing. I’m either trying to hit something, or trying not to get hit. Just missed. Barely.
Miraculously, still standing.
I look around me and I see that I’m not the only one. The landmines I seem to be tip-toeing around and grenades I’m juggling around, look like feral kittens in comparison to the demons that are chasing, some of you.
At least I am aware that I am caught in a spiritual battle. Too many people are not. You will not catch me complaining.
As I sit here wondering, for the millionth time, how God will make a way out of this one, or more to the point, when, I can’t help but notice the patterns that were eluding me. The things that continue to repeat.
For too long now, I have been distracted by what “goes wrong” and missing almost everything else.
He warned me. He always warns me. Yet, I made an image in my head of what “hard” would look like and now find myself baffled when nothing in life matches the vision in my head.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways, declares the LORD…” Isaiah 55:8
How many times does He have to remind me that my own view on things are not His?
Yet the more faithful we try to remain [and I say try because we are human, we feel pain, frustration and disappointment] the harder life is intent on getting. Everything that can go wrong, does, at least 2x. Nothing makes sense. Still we trust. He said. He will. Soon, I hope.
Paul spoke of having learned to be content with everything and almost nothing, turns out that is still the standard for us today. We are not entitled to a life of our own choosing. I have yet to find the biblical passages that instructs me to change with the changing times and work hard to keep up with the latest fads. I have tried to find it, trust me. I really have.
People keep telling me that “God understands I have bills to pay, and children to feed” and that “I need a house, car…” and I hear it. I don’t disagree with any of it, except for the parts that contradict what God says. Those I can’t agree with.
I want, more than anything, to live “a normal life” just like I want for it all to be easy, comfortable, secure, plentiful… who does not want that?
But for us to have that right now would require us going against what God has asked of us, and that we cannot bring ourselves to do. I did it long enough. He has changed my mind, my heart, my soul in such a way that, now that I have found my place in the grand scheme of things, now that I know who I am because I know Who created me, now that I have experienced Him, His love, His mercy, His grace… I can no longer go back.
I am irrevocably changed.
So I will take life, one day at a time, one challenge at a time, reminding my mind & soul that all is well.
I will trust. I will wait. I will learn to take the punches well. I will build the endurance required to be excellent in His eyes, no one else’s.
People keep telling me they want to see me “do better” but nothing could be further from the truth. They want my life to make sense to them. They want me to do what everyone else is doing because, as far as they understand it, is how it has always been done. It is not. I will not.
If they truly wanted me to do better then they would understand what I have learned to, that there is no “better” than God’s will over a life. Whoever they may be, whatever they may be going through. There is nothing better than choosing Him. He is the blessing. He is the treasure in the field the man sold all of His possessions to gain.
I will not, cannot, enter the Kingdom of Heaven by pleasing men, only by pleasing Him. My life has always been hard. It has always been lonely. I’ve always been out of step and out of place. There have always been problems, drama and unexpected challenges/expenses, that will never change, and lucky for me [or blessed really, as God chose the man for me] Michael and I work extremely well in the dysfunction and chaos of the world. I know that at the end of it all, despite the losses, the changes and the challenges, we truly are better off for having Him at the expense of everything else. We have committed to this, to Him, and we have made it this far, and this long only by His grace, and despite my own impatience about our circumstances at times, I would not move a toe out of line to be where He has not called me to. The world has nothing to offer me that I have not tasted and been dissatisfied with, and that is not something that I can really explain to anyone else.
Seek Him. With more stubborn determination than you have ever sought anything else. I will not promise you easy, because He didn’t. He will be faithful. He is always faithful in our time of need.
We truly could never hope to deserve Him. I am forever overwhelmed by His faithfulness. I feel like I am splitting in half but in a good way. I can’t explain it. I encourage you to to seek Him.
You, Jesus, make the impossible, possible. You make the unbearable, bearable. You make ways where none exist. You give hope, and purpose.
My heart is Yours, Lord. My life is Yours. Do not let me go, Jesus. I need You now as much as ever. You are The Source of my Peace. Thank You.
Or as Ezekiel loves to say:
“Thank You, Jesur for Jesus!”
“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge.]” John 14:27 AMP
I come to You on behalf of all who are heartbroken tonight.
Loss is hard, Lord. Loss is painful. Death is final.
There are no do-over, no more time, no more todays to procrastinate nor tomorrows to take for granted.
Nothing.
The absence of those we love, no matter how it happened or when, leaves a gaping hole and a million unanswered questions. No amount of time with our people can ever be enough.
No parent should bury a child, no child should grow up without a parent, no person should have to learn to function & navigate life without their loved ones. Yet, death comes for us all, that is certain, but we don’t give it the attention it deserves, and for too many, it comes too soon.
To lose a loved one in that permanent way should prompt us all to humbly come before the Throne of Christ to examine our lives & hearts & prioritize what truly matters:
Our relationship with Jesus Christ.
These days I spend a lot of time asking myself:
“IF [enter deceased person’s name here] were to raise from the dead, what would she/he tell us?”
And just when I stop pondering that question, one more person dies & it’s all I can think about again.
It hurts to see someone part this life for the next, but not as hard as feeling powerless to do much to help ease their loved ones pain and suffering in their absence. It’s worse when it’s a person who rejected or neglected Jesus. He died for us so that we may live for Him.
We really should be more Kingdom minded.
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world [wealth, fame, success], but forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:26 AMP
Today, I kept thinking that God never lies and so if a person loses their life but saves their soul nothing is lost and that should give us comfort, and cause to celebrate. That is often easier said than done, of course. Death is so unsettling, the absence is painful & deeply felt, and so for those who are mourning a friend, a spouse, a parent, or a child:
I pray that You lean on Jesus Christ to fill in the hole left behind by your lost love.
Talk to Him. Vent to Him. Cry to Him. Ask Him how to… Everything.
Really.
Jesus is not afraid of your questions, anger or pain.
He is the best Helper, the best Healer, the best Listener, the best “Coping Mechanism.” Trust Him more than anyone else. Allow Him to guide You through everything from now on, not just this season of loss & grief.
You will never regret fully trusting Him.
On a personal level, I’d like to live my life pleasing God so that I’m not turned away when my day comes, and frankly I’d like no one else to be turned away either.
Please, if you see this, ask Jesus reveal Himself to you so that you too can start living for Him, by His standard, not Your own.
You see, God made us all with a plan and a purpose, and we should be seeking to know Him & His will for us with the same commitment we seek after the things of the world that are worthless in comparison.
God really should be above all we know & love on this earth.
Always.
❤ Naryamie
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and with all your soul and with all your strength [your entire being]. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be [written] on your heart and mind.” Deuteronomy 6:5-6 AMP
The last 24 hrs have been exciting for reasons only You understand, Jesus. And only You get the glory, the credit, the praise & everything else.
As I continue forward with our plans in place for all You are doing in me, with me & though me, I look forward to seeing what you will do next. I see the pieces & they make sense, as they tie gifts together, but only You know the full picture.
I ‘m excited by the possibilities of where You will lead us.
As I get ready for bed, I lay my tomorrow in Your hands. I lay the entirety of my life, my children, my future [and at this moment most importantly, the future of P73BCM] to be led, composed, designed & established by You.
In following with Your promise to equip me, I trust Your Holy spirit to guide & inspire me, so that I may operate fully in obedience to You, without strings attached that compromise the purity of You & dilute The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
This is for You, Jesus Christ.
For all of the years I wasted looking for You in all the wrong places while simultaneously running from You.
It is long overdue & finally, with all the focus and attention it should always have had, and requires. Forgive me, Lord. I now know that You know all I will need, when I will need it & how You will provide it so long as I keep my eyes on You and stay the course.
You also know what lays heavy on my heart:
Family Friends Hopes Dreams Asperations
Not mine, but Yours, for us all.
I want to see Your stubborn children [myself included] walking fully with You in that child-like way, with that child-like trust, that You have been wanting from us since The Garden.
I never dreamed of this life, yet I now see how You have been preparing me for this, my whole entire life, and watching You bring the pieces together has really been one of the most humbling experiences of my life.
I want so desperately to share so much of what You have taught me in this season. Just two weeks away from a year of calling this place home and these people neighbors, You have taught me a lifetime worth of kingdom lessons, and it all comes full circle, back to You.
From Genesis to Revelations. From the day I was born until the day I die. My reason for being is You.
You are The Architect of life.
The more I discover about You and Your purpose for my life, the more I find myself very much at home in my new reality, it’s just uncomfortable for the flesh to not do what it has always done, but for true Peace, I can be very uncomfortable.
15 months ago, none of this looked possible, and I can admit it’s taken that long to get here because I spent the first 10 months trying to redirect, to control, streer, micromanage and create a circumstance that met my expectations of life by a worldy standard.
Thank You for Jeremiah 12, for without it, I may still be in my feelings and entitlement. I find I am very content here. I truly love having less of absolutely everything, from stress to material possessions. I would never have reached this place without You.
Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You for Your grace, your patience.
I would be so lost without You.
Only You could have taken our broken pieces and created a beautiful mosaic of perspective and wisdom. An entirely new creation in all of Your glory. The thing is, in many ways, I could always see it. I did not understand it, no, but deep in my soul I knew You had a purpose for all of the life experiences that shaped who Michael and I were, both as individuals and as a couple. Just as I now know that You have a purpose for all of the life experiences that are shaping, and hurting, those I love and even those I do not know.
I want to see others walking in this Freedom that You offer.
We are Your creation, Jesus and we matter to You, but who needs to change is us, and I for one I am incredibly thankful for all You have broken us from, all You have taught, all You have healed and how You are using the pieces of the broken now to build a beautiful [in the kingdom not the world] tomorrow.
It is all about You.
It is all about Your Kingdom.
Your glory.
Your righteousness.
There are many ways in which we must die, to become what You intended. Despite the hardships, the losses, the heart shattering disappointments that have taken place over 2 decades, something in me recognizes that the hard work is actually about to begin. This is not a traditional/transactional adventure. This is going to take more reliance on You than we have had before, more blind trust, which should not be an issue because we know Your nature, we know Your goodness and faithfulness and so we embark forward trusting just You.
Thank You.
““If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?” Jeremiah 12:5 NLT
I do not live the life I thought I wanted but I do live a life I really enjoy.
It’s different and difficult. In some aspects it lacks the structure I’m used to, but then the structure of God is rather different than that of the world.
All things with God are.
I miss having a schedule, I miss getting up at 4 in the morning to spent time with Jesus in the privacy of the closet before I set off to work, I miss silence… but what I have is better, and Jesus is available 24/7, silence not so much.
I love our impromptu days at the park or the library. The opportunities that come up that we would otherwise miss out on if we lived the life I thought I wanted because I’d be at work and my child would be at school, like other children his age. Honestly, I can’t even imagine him in a classroom, he’d be so bored, and I’d miss out on the countless stories, drawing and discoveries he makes through out the day.
I love watching him grow in his relationship with Jesus, he already knows his Bible better than I do. I love listening to his prayers, children have such a pure heart and Jesus called us to be childlike in our walk with Him… who best to learn childlike trust from than a child?
First time fishing.
There are so many things I wish were different or rather easier. Some days I wish the business was busier, thought I am thankful for our small beginning. I know it’s only programming on my part. It’s strange sometimes to find that all I was taught was wrong, even though it’s in the scriptures. We (society) have such a pessimistic view of life, we are never happy, we want things to be better, easier, comfortable. We are prone to ingratitude and complaints. We stress about things that are weeks if not months away. Always looking for the next experience, adventure or acquisition.
We take so much for granted. Too much.
Life did not make sense to me then, but life makes sense now.
The complete and utter alteration my life underwent with Jesus at the helm, as a project manager of sorts, has not been without difficulty or pain, but His ways make sense, and bring me peace.
I was created with a plan and a purpose, with gifts and dreams, that are all rooted in who Jesus made to be. He literally gave me the desires of my heart when He created me, which have nothing to do with what the world has taught me, and He never once expected me to go through life on my own figuring out what “I want to be when I grow up.” As I discover who He is and who He made me to be, I find that God is not the author of chaos and confusion, it’s the world that has misled me about everything, and a lot of times, most of the time, really, we don’t know because we have not asked Him.
In Him, all of my questions have answers, all of my pain has a purpose, so much of it was self inflected, because I was trying to figure out life rather than seeking Him, His kingdom, His righteousness.
I am thankful to Jesus Christ for His patience, mercy and grace, for the gift of time to turn my life around rather than allowing me to perish forever when He should have. I’m thankful for a 2nd chance at life, at marriage, at parenting, to learn His way in all things and live a life that is worthy of His mercy and grace.
Perfect I am not, and I will never be, but I can choose to be a person who seeks the will, the wisdom, of God over her life and her family in all aspects, who has gratitude to Him in all things and for all things, and who would rather be “missing out” on a life that is filled with stress and anxiety trying to keep up with the demands of an ever changing world, because in Jesus I have all I need, spiritually, physically and mentally. One day at a time.
The more I know God, the more I understand the intricacies of His design, and I find there is comfort in His purpose.
No, I am not living the life I thought I wanted, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why I ever wanted it at all… but I can never thank Him enough for all He has done for me today, and over the years, as He has been teaching me, breaking me, molding me, and for our time together, for our strange way of life, for the neighbors He has surrounded us with, for the peace and simplicity of the life that He has called us to, together, heavy as it may be at times, He always carries the load, anyway.
Maybe this will always be our life, maybe it won’t, I do not know and it does not matter. God knows what tomorrow holds and today, I simply chose to cherish, with praise and gratitude to my Lord Jesus Christ.
“There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.” Proverbs 14:12 NLT
“And yet, “Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind.”” Ecclesiastes 4:6 NLT
“Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.” Ecclesiastes 6:10 NLT
I do not know how or why, but I do. I’ve seen them since I was a child, and though I did not always understand what they meant, I could see the repetitiveness of certain circumstances or situations in my life & the life of those around me. Because of this, people have always found me harsh in speech & I’ll admit, it’s hard to keep quiet sometimes, but…
God is prepping the soil. I’m learning to work through things with Him, and so here we are;
I see it, but unlike previous times, this time I have nothing to say. This time, I’m getting out of His way so that people can fail or succeed on their own.
“Good intentions,” and the need to” protect” someone we love is such a strange double sided blade. Just because something makes us feel better does not mean it is helpful Just because we want something does not mean it is in our best interest.
Love cuts. Jesus.
True love is not an endless happy feeling deep in my chest. It is the constant choice to show up with truth, with whole-hearted assistance & support, for those You have entrusted to me, without expectations, strings or manipulation. Love is choosing to accept that others are fallible, just as I am, and forgiveness and grace are essential, while also remembering that hard conversations close the door to resentment, and lead to a healthier situation for all. Love is understanding that I am the one who changed on them, and in their own way they care but they to not understand, and I cannot explain it to them, for very many reasons, not the least of which is Jesus Christ has to be experienced. He is a person, not an idea. We can share our testimonies but you do not know His faithfulness until you give Him the opportunity to show Himself faithful in the way that only He can.
I see patterns, and they drive people crazy because no one likes to be warned off their wants. I want to make things better, I want to teach them differently, I want to save them from pain, but if I’ve learned anything at all is that what broke me, won’t fix me.
It won’t fix them either.
The best I can do for all involved is remove myself, my feelings and my opinions out of the equation & pray;
Intercede rather than intervene.
Now, I let Jesus handle me, them & all involved. I trust Him to do what I have seen Him do with me. With us.
You created us, Lord, You know us inside & out, You know which lessons we need & how to best walk us & teach us through it.
People like to say “life/time are the best teaches,” but that’s not true.
You are the best teacher.
Only You.
In this season. I choose to focus on me. On You. On how I can better walk in obedience to You, Your word, Your calling over my life. I don’t care to be distracted by what You are or not doing in the lives of others, not even my husband or children.
I know that above all I answer to You, I trust You to lead. I choose to trust You & Michael to lead me. I know who You are. I have seen Your faithfulness every day of my life. You wrote my testimony. You saved me from myself, You have always kept me safe, housed, fed. I now understand what used to elude me:
My provider is You. My provision is You. In You, I will always have enough, of all I need.
With or without people, whoever they may be, I just need you. You created me with a plan and a purpose, and obedience is what you value most, and I have discovered that I like Your ways better, and so I aim to please You. It is not always easy, to love them as You have asked me to, but surrendering them to You is the best I can do, for them and for me. To love them with an open palm knowing that You gave them to me, You can take them back at any time, for any reason, and I live in gratitude for the good and the bad of today, whatever that looks like. If I can trust You with my life, I can trust You with theirs too. I will trust You to teach them through their mistakes, to refine them in their fire & while it hurts to watch my people stress, hurt & struggles, when I can so clearly see there’s a better way, I cannot rob them of the experiences that break their chains and brings them closer to You. I cannot hinder their process. You are writing their testimony as You wrote mine. ..
And so I see the patterns, Lord. In my life, and in their life, but this time I choose to sit and pray and stay out of the way. I will occupy my thoughts with Your word and my time proceeding with the tasks You asked me to complete. I know that You know who they are, You know where their pain lies, You know their strength & weakness, and You so much better than me, know their patterns, the calling You have over their lives, and I will praise & worship my way through my wilderness and theirs, I will stand in the gap, for their victory, for the honor of Your name.
Abraham understood, Lord, how to walk with You. How to receive Your blessings & entrust them back to You. People always try to hold on. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his child, his promise, long awaited for 25 long years. Abraham set off believing that God would provide an alternate sacrifice, or even raise Isaac back from the dead, he did not understand but he trusted, he did not give up halfway to Mt. Moriah and turn around because he had not yet seen God’s provision, he stayed the course and trusted his beloved child back to God, and his unshakeable faith saved Isaac from his death sentence. Where Sarah would have held on, as we mothers tend to do, argue, debate, negotiate, Abraham loved and cared for his son with his palm opened. Gentle. Patient. Trusting that God gave it, and if God took it away, it was because God had a plan for Isaac’s life that, Abraham did not understand, but chose to trust anyway. Abraham had seen God’s miraculous provision and favor. He had seen The Lord be faithful in the past, he did not allow himself to doubt or worry.
I now choose to do the same.
I will continue to pray for them. I will pray for them all, Jesus., friends, family, strangers, that You may open their eyes to any truth they are refusing to see, that You may open their ears to Your voice, so that they can march to the cadence of Your voice, alone.
I want so desperately to fix things. I can throw myself at busy work that leads nowhere but arguments and drama, very well… but the ways of the world have always failed me, no matter how or why, I just never have walked in sync with it, and for that I am grateful because, through my collection of life failures and unsatisfactory achievements, I found my way to You, Jesus, and I know that if You could take that mess of a girl and turn her into who I am today, healed, whole… then those I loved the most are safe in Your hands.
I serve You best by simply staying out of the way, quiet, and praying, worshipping, telling of Your goodness and faithfulness at every possible turn and trusting beyond all hope in You.
“Then Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head [in mourning for the children], and he fell to the ground and worshiped [God]. He said, “Naked (without possessions) I came [into this world] from my mother’s womb, And naked I will return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.” Job 1:20-22 AMP
“I will give thanks and praise the Lord, with all my heart; I will tell aloud all Your wonders and marvelous deeds. I will rejoice and exult in you; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.” Psalms 9:1-2 AMP
“All things are wearisome and all words are frail; Man cannot express it. The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor is the ear filled with hearing. [Prov 27:20] That which has been is that which will be [again], And that which has been done is that which will be done again. So there is nothing new under the sun. There is no remembrance of earlier things, Nor also of the later things that are to come; There will be for them no remembrance By generations who will come after them.” Ecclesiastes 1:8-9, 11 AMP
By faith Abraham, when he was tested [that is, as the testing of his faith was still in progress], offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises [of God] was ready to sacrifice his only son [of promise]; [Gen 22:1-10] to whom it was said, “Through Isaac your descendants shall be called.” [Gen 21:12] For he considered [it reasonable to believe] t hat God was able to raise Isaac even from among the dead. [Indeed, in the sense that he was prepared to sacrifice Isaac in obedience to God] Abraham did receive him back [from the dead] figuratively speaking.” Hebrews 11:17-19 AMP
The world is hurting, Lord, and by comparison, my troubles really are nothing at all.
You know who they are, Jesus.
You know the deepest, darkest corners of their hearts. You know their hopes, their fears, their doubts, their dreams… You know, Jesus.
You know.
You see all things, Lord. You see them. You count every tear. They may not know You yet, Jesus, but you know them. You keep them. You are their only hope, though some do not know it at all.
Some are friends. Some are family. Some are acquaintances, others are complete strangers to me, yet all are known and loved by You, Lord. They are not strangers to You, and there is an invitation before them all to be Yours. Only Yours. You know the best and worst of them. You care, You see, You know. They cannot yet see You, feel you or trust You, but you have never once left their side.
They are terrified, Lord. They are hurting. There is a hopelessness about them. A million unanswered questions that threatned to drown them. They cannot see a way out, and frankly, only You know if a way out even exists.
Tomorrow is promised to none of us. Only You have all the answers.
For each and everyone of them, I have stood in gap, in prayer and supplication, but You, Lord, You teach, You correct, You want us to truly find our way Home to You.
And so You said to me:
“Not this way. Not this time.”
and I understand now, Lord. How you are chosing to have me proceed here. How I am to stand in the gap, in praise and worship, in gratitude, because they are not yet able, willing or maybe just capable, to praise and thank You for the hardships of life, but…
I know You to be faithful, Jesus. I know You to be gracious. But You forge things in the fire.
I have learned to trust You with my life Lord, with a trust that You have earned despite my weak and hardheaded ways, and I stand in praise and worship, from a place of victory, for the day when they will trust You and only You, with their life too, Jesus.
As we should.
Thank You, Jesus, for opening my eyes, and theirs. Thank You for wrapping us in Your peace and safety, through the storms of life. I have seen what You can do and I bring my “paralitic friends” to You, as You requested Lord, not in doubt but in celebration, for the lives that will be won for Your Kingdom.
When word of the first diagnosis came months ago, I never could have forseen how many more of those we would be hearing of in the months to come. Over and over, so many people from all walks of life are fearing for their lives, literally. They are carrying heavy burdens, they are being given percentages and averages that are not comforting, and You did not intend for them to carry the weight without You, but they don’t know how to allow You to carry their load, and so I came to You in prayer, and then repeteadly over the months, as others were receiving all similar news, I came asking, begging, bartering, for the miracle that I knew would heal and win them for you… but You brought something to my attention, about me, about them. At first I did not fully understood, but as always, You further delve into the heart of the matter, and understanding is given to me. You gave me the account in Mark 2. A paralytic man who was healed because his friends believed, and you asked me:
What did I believe? Believe is not what I say, but what I do.
I was praying for their healing, but what did I truly expect of You? What did I truly think You capable of doing? Who did I believe had the final authority here? There have been a lot of really hard, really mindblowing questions that I just never thought I would have to consider but… hard questions are Your speciality. After more weeks of praying, from a position of defeat [not to be confused with a position of surrender] You brought my attention to a very important and now almost painfully obvious point:
I first needed to decide where my agreement lay.
Did I believe what the doctors said about the person, or did I believe what You said about the person? It’s one or the other, I cannot come into agreement with both…
You pointed out that the friends of the paralytic man, did not break a hole in the roof to see if maybe Jesus could or would. They knew what You could do, they had seen Your power, and if the possibility of their friend not being healed entered their heads, to my view, they did not act like it.
Then you brought my attention to the Centurion and how the same can be said of him. The centurion was a soldier in man’s army. A man who understood chain of command, understood power. He did not need Jesus to come into His home, more frankly, he knew he was not worthy of such honor. He did not need to see Jesus lay hands on his servant. In that way, he did not limit God. He truly recognized Jesus’ power, and submitted to it accordingly. Jesus said “I will come” but the centurion spoke the truth his heart recognized, Jesus did not need to be physically present to perform the miracle of healing his servant.
There was no room for doubt. No place for maybe, and so:
I do not come into agreement with what the world, the experts, have said. In fact, I reject it.
I do come into agreement with God’s word and His will over your lives.
FRIEND: I know life hurts. I know you are scared, for yourself or for someone you love, it makes no difference, sooner or later, fear comes for us all. I know you have a lot going through your mind and it may not seem like it, but I love you so much. I know, I dont even know some of you, but I know The God who loves you, and so I love you too, and I stand in the gap, to help you carry your load, as God calls us to do for one another. I do not surrender your life to professional opinions, when I know that God is the only one whose opinion actually matters. The only one who can, who will.
As someone who should have been dead and buried long ago but by the grace of Jesus… I know firsthand that when God is not done with us, there is nothing that can take us out and I beg YOU:
Open your heart and mind to Him fully. We should not limit Him to what we think, feel or see. Paul told us that “hope which is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he alreadys sees?” Allow yourself to learn to trust Him. Cling to Him. Speak to Him like He is a friend in the room, because He is. He is present He is listening. Come as you are, unload the burdens of your soul and dare to see what God can do with it all. Allow Him.
Remember we are all facing different kinds of difficulties. Some are not necesarily better than others, just different, as all are painful and difficult to us in their own way, but I invite you to ask yourself:
What is really the worst that can happen if you allowed God complete and total control of your life, with trust, praise and worship no matter what it looks like and inspite of what others say?
Until you are able to answer that question, if only for yourself, know that I, and many others, are here, trusting, praising, thanking and worshipping on your behalf. God has the last word. Always.
“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.” Psalms 91:1-3 NLT
“The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.” Psalms 121:5-8 NLT
“The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe.” Proverbs 18:10 NLT
“I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:9-10 NLT
“But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one. And we are confident in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we commanded you. May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.” 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5 NLT
I don’t know how You do it, and what’s more, I don’t understand why You bother. Personally, I have zero patience for my own stubbornness most days. I see the patterns, but breaking the behavior is harder than people tend to acknowledge.
Thank You.
Thank you for Your patience and mercy.
Thank You for every humbling reminder of just how much I have to be thankful for.
Thank You.
The last week has been one for the books. I see how You use those closest to me to teach and correct me. I now understand (to a small extent and in a very different way) why David knew that he could face Goliath and succeed. The intimacy and isolation of the pasture fields allowed for the time, and the predators presented opportunities, to truly develop that trust in You, God.
I pray more of us develop a heart for You as David had, but mostly I pray more of us remember all of David’s story, his failures as well as his successes.
Thank You for the people You placed on our path today.
Thank You for never leaving me.
Thank you for always allowing me to hear how stupid my own doubt sounds.
I understand why it had to be this way, and what’s more, I thank You for it. Today, I find myself grateful for simply breathing, because when that alone is a miracle, everything else is a bonus. Only You. Jesus could make a way. It is not about what You have given me, but about Your faithful presence. It’s about You being more than enough. You keeping Your promises. About how you lead, how You provide, always to Your standard not mine.
I have no interest in the crown. I have no desire for the responsibilities that would come with one, but I do want the heart of David and the wisdom of Solomon.
I want to fully, wholeheartedly live life for You.
Totally and completely.
I understand now that You knew me, You created me, You had a plan and a purpose for me before I was ever born. I need not find my place in this world because my place is in You, and because of that, any place is home, as long as You are there. I am thankful for You, for all that You are and all that You give, and I am committed to living this life You have called me to, because I want to honor and obey You.
I want to serve You with my whole heart all of the days of my life, and I cannot hold to anything above You to truly do that. I cannot pray for Your will over my life and then decide what it looks like. All I can do is trust You. Obey You. Follow Your examples and those of the disciples.
I cannot say that You are The Lord of my life and then attach demands and requirements for my earthly comfort in exchange for my obedience to You. The world is transactional, but You are not.
You are faithful, Jesus.
You are faithful and worthy of the honor and the praise. You are worthy of the suffering and the pain.
Only You.
I want to boldly walk the road for which You have made me. Fully reliant on You and nothing and no one else, and with my talents and gifts under Your control and direction.
I understand more now, Lord, and I thank you. Only You could take my most hated time of the year and turn it into my most favorite for reasons that have nothing to do with earthly gifts or traditions.
Thank You.
You truly are The Best Friend I could have ever hoped for.
“Show us your unfailing love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation. I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for he speaks peace to his faithful people. But let them not return to their foolish ways. Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, so our land will be filled with his glory. Unfailing love and truth have met together. Righteousness and peace have kissed! Truth springs up from the earth, and righteousness smiles down from heaven. Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings. Our land will yield its bountiful harvest. Righteousness goes as a herald before him, preparing the way for his steps.”
The simplicity of breathing is a miracle I no longer take for granted, yet thankful as I am for my God-given 43rd birthday, for me today is about celebrating something far more important, for reasons few will understand.
Today marks 2 years since we lost our house, our home of 10 years, but it is not the loss that makes today important, nor is it melancholy feelings over the house or even the memories, no.
Two years ago, today, we walked out of the house for the very last time, with little to nothing to our names, nowhere to go, and no one but God to help us navigate the daily challenges that would arise. Today I celebrate 2 years of God keeping a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothes on our backs, all in ways we never could have predicted or even imagined, and through people we had not yet met.
It’s been two years since I embarked on a road that promised to be painful and difficult, and it has been all of that and more, but through it all, God has been faithful, and that is everything to me.
He is everything to me, and so today is about Him.
Even now, we should not be here; the finances do not make sense, yet week after week, Jesus makes a way. Always. It is not “if” Jesus will, but when. I have learned to stop asking “how.”
Two years ago, I walked out of my home and into the unknown, full of fear, anger, and frustration, with my husband, my 3-year-old son, and our dogs, thankful the older kids had “better circumstances.”
Words will never capture the fullness of what has been experienced in that time, the challenges, the moments of hopelessness that turned out to be everything but…
Today also marks nine months since we checked into this motel for a weekend, thinking we would be here at most for a week, until we heard… Nothing made sense then, but since then, though the weeks have been long, the incredible, life-altering lesson, where God has been concerned, have been priceless, and so I see that I did not truly lose anything at all then, because I gained real trust in Jesus along the way.
Jesus built my trust and reliance on Him. He did.
You told me once, Lord, You were looking for people who could go through 40 years in the wilderness with praise and worship, and since then You have proceeded to teach me how to do just that.
I have yet to master the lessons on praying, praising, and worshipping through the worst. Some days, I remind myself that David had to command his soul to praise, and so I do the same.
I do not miss the house, but I miss the countless hours that were spent in that closet. 5 minutes alone with You, these days, feels like a battle in and of itself, yet you are worth it all and more. You have been faithful to me when I have not been faithful to You.
Even now, I struggle with the right thing to do, or the feelings that sometimes threaten to overwhelm me over things that really are so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.
In this place of hardships, where the world sees lack, discomfort, and uncertainty, in this place that appears to be chaos yet is actually anything but, You, God, have been fighting my battles every step along the way and making ways where none should exist. I find that everything I have come to learn about You only makes me want You more.
Your presence. Your wisdom. Your ways.
Thank You, Jesus, for taking the things that held me back from my God-given purpose in You.
Thank You for teaching me what it means to be in obedience and submission to my Creator.
Thank You for changing my life, my heart, my mind, and my soul. Thank you for the fire that burns inside me, and that drives me to seek to live a life that pleases You and no one else.
I can live for no other than You. Nothing else will satisfy.
I am thankful beyond words for these 43 years on earth. I am thankful for my life, for my husband, my children, my family, friends, and neighbors.
I have so much to be thankful for.
But more than anything else in the world, I am thankful for Jesus. Thankful that God is merciful and patient, and has led me to this place every step of the way. My only regret is that I did not allow myself to come face-to-face with my fears sooner. I did not trust Jesus as I do now.
I have no idea what tomorrow looks like, much less the next year of my life, should I be given the privilege of living another, but I know Jesus Christ. I know that I can take Him at His word. I know that I can trust Him. I know that He said, “Do not worry about tomorrow,” and then He proceeded to list all of the things we did not need to worry about because God knows our needs. I know that He said, “but first seek ye the kingdom of God and all of His righteousness,” and so I did. I know that He has never once failed me, so I know that He will not fail me now, but I did not know, any of those things until I had everything that made me feel safe and secure ripped from my hands, and their absence was filled by my Lord Jesus Christ, and for that I am always thankful not just today but every day.
Yes, today is my birthday, but without Jesus, I would have been dead and buried long ago, so who could be more deserving of my praise than Him today?
Job said it best when he said, “What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true. I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest; only trouble comes.” Yet unlike Job, I have peace and quiet, though troubles do come, because I have Jesus, and I would rather do hard with Him than anything else in this world.
‘O God, I beg two favors from you; let me have them before I die. First, help me never to tell a lie. Second, give me neither poverty nor riches! Give me just enough to satisfy my needs. For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord ?” And if I am too poor, I may steal and thus insult God’s holy name. ‘ Proverbs 30:7-9 NLT
