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Psalms 73
  • A personal note

    May 7th, 2026

    God is a God of order, a God of purpose.

    He is not a God of chaos, confusion or contradiction, and so, if you are looking at religion and find yourself wondering why it’s such a hot mess of contradicting opinions and arguments the answer to that is:

    None of that is God

    God is…

    My God! He is everything that makes sense in the world.
    He is everything that is good, healing and meaningful and religion is none of those things.
    We have been raised to believe that life is about us. We have been raised to believe that God is about what we think, feel or brings us comfort, but true comfort, true peace, is not circumstantial.

    What I have learned in this life, especially since knowing The Lord is that, there is One True God.
    There is A Creator.
    There is Devine Purpose.

    We were created to worship Him and to work symbiotically, with The Lord and one another. We are all just parts of a giant machine, different pieces, different sizes, different colors and shapes, different purposes but all just as important to the sharing of His message.

    In these times when we are as far away from The Lord as we have ever been since, probably the Roman times, [as far as we have been told], we are really unable to comprehend that when Jesus said “I am The Way, The Truth, The Life…”
    He was not being overly dramatic nor was He overstating His position.
    He is the way, the truth and the life. He is the answer to all things, He is the only way, yet we read our bibles and allow ourselves concessions that God did not give us, because God has not changed, He will not change.
    God doesn’t care about degrees, houses or cars. He is not looking at your bank account. God is not judging by whether or not we can work hard to pay bills, that is all very irrelevant. He told us that man judges the outward appearance but He judges the heart.

    God is looking at your heart, always. He is looking for obedience. God is looking to see if we trust Him above all else, but most of us don’t even know Him so how do you trust someone you don’t know?

    You don’t.

    If you cannot answer the absolute questions of life, you are bound to get lost.

    If you read the bible, yet believe in ‘the gospel and/or,’ type of theology, if your make concessions because ‘the times have changed’ you are bound to get lost.

    I know that when it comes to God there are a lot of believes, a lot of preferences and a lot of opinions that are all predicated on what we think, what we like and what makes life most comfortable to us.
    I know we like to say things like “God understands I have bills.” He does. He did not give them to you. The world did. And we neglect to recognize that only His opinions matters, His ways.

    Jesus Christ is a person, that we must seek to know for who He is, not who we think He should be. God makes no mistakes, He does not lie, He does not change His mind. We have to stop using our limited human wisdom and understanding to dictate who He is. We must seek to know Him, and allow Him to teach us.

    I know there are a lot of things people can’t agree on, but what I want people to understand is that, just because two people can’t/wont agree on the things of God, does not mean there is not A True God.

    There is a One True God. One way. One path.

    That is a Truth that most of us do not want to accept.
    I know that too many don’t get up in the morning and wonder “what is the true purpose of life?” but I am going to tell you anyway, the true purpose of life is:

    To Worship and obey God above all else. To walk in the fullness of our God given purpose. To seek Him to know how and why He made us.
    We must choose to live for Him, not for people who want to put their own views, their own opinions, their own standards to our lives and hold us to them. Including ourselves.

    My life is not my own, I surrendered it to The Lord a very long time ago, and the problem has been that I have been trying to be His child while spending my time on earth pursuing things He has not called me to. I wanted a life in His service on my terms.

    When Jesus called us to surrender, He did not mean partial surrender. There is no called to compartmentalized christianity. He is not asking to be scheduled in to your calendar 2-3 days a week.

    He truly wants all or nothing.

    Once I understood that, everything changed. Now there is purpose in my life, now there is peace, because I know that no matter what, I am where The Lord wants me to be, even if I am uncomfortable, even if I don’t like the place or the people or whatever else, it doesn’t matter.
    I don’t have to like it. Life is not about my preferences.

    I learned at a very young age that I could have 100 gifts under the christmas tree and not one of them is going to make me feel whole or fulfilled.
    I could have all the latest technology that none of my friends had, I could have all of the experiences that my friends did not have, traveling, restaurants, things, it did not matter. It was all empty. They lacked substance, they lacked value.
    Yes, you enjoy the experience in the moment of it because it is new and exciting, but there is still that hole inside that only Jesus can fill.
    There is still that missing peace in your life that is steady and present, even when you find yourself in a situation you much rather not be.

    There a Peace that is not dependent upon me. That is not dependent on me knowing even what I am going to have for dinner tonight, which, by the way, I don’t know. What I do know is that by dinner time, there will be dinner, because God has never once failed me, He’s just never met my expectations, because “His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts.”

    God’s plans, God’s purpose is not dependent upon man’s latest developments, it is not dependent upon the latest technology.
    God does not need you to be obsessed with your health for your to be healthy.
    God does not need you to be obsessed with your work for you to receive provision.
    We should live for Him the way that we live for our education and careers, our interest and hobbies, but we don’t. We do not give Him the time, the energy, the place in our lives that He deserves.

    We all know that if I was trying to live a life that was consumed by the goals of the world, if I was trying to live a life that was consumed by material possessions, traveling, gaining influence then I would have a whole cheering squad to support and encourage me. People would be so proud of me, like when I enlisted in the Army. When I signed my life and rights away to be at the beck and call of The US Government, I was called brave. I was told I was smart.

    “The Army will take care of you” people told me. What a lie!

    Now I am trying to do the exact same thing… well, not trying. I have chosen. This is my choice. This [Jesus Christ] is the hill I have decided to die on, folks.

    Jesus Christ.

    I decided to give Him my life, like I did the US Army.
    I’ve decided to allow Him to control where I live, and when I eat, and what I eat and what I wear, but somehow that is not acceptable. Somehow, the world finds personal offense.

    It’s funny to me, because there are people who claim to love me and God, and yet, they say they want “better for me.”
    No, you don’t. Stop lying to yourself.
    There is nothing better than God. Nothing.
    You do not want better for me, you want me to do what everyone else is doing because everyone else is doing it. You cannot understand why anyone, especially someone like me, would choose to live away from the ways of the world.
    You cannot understand why anyone would actively chose to step off the conveyor belt of humanity’s advancements and changes, and possessions.

    If you were honest with yourselves, you would admit that some of you are only upset because our current set of circumstances hinders your ability to live comfortably at our expense.
    It’s not me/us that you are worried about, but what our change in life has cost you. It’s about the things I no longer pay for you, the things I no longer do for you, because now I am no longer allowing people to manipulate me into taking care of them, and living for them, instead of for The Lord.

    I get it. Some of you don’t understand. I did not understand it either, but once I did there was no going back.
    Once I found peace and security, and answers. Solid answers. Answers that make sense, that are absolute and not based on the whims or circumstances of any given person’s thoughts, moods or preferences. Just answers.

    I am not here to tell anyone how to live their life, I am not here to tell anyone how to worship God. I am not here to tell anyone what to prioritize in life. I’m not.
    What I am here to do is tell people that there is One God.
    One Truth, and we must die to ourselves to follow Him. It’s never about what you think, feel, see it or interpret it. It’s about what God said.
    Religions are man made. All idols are false gods, just pageantry for the shock and awe of the masses. Pretty but empty.

    Denominations within the followers of Christ are anti-biblical. They are based on people peddling their views, their opinions, their interpretation of The Word of God, when Jesus never once told us to do any of that.
    Paul called us to unity, which can only be achived in The Holy Spirit, because if we allow Him to reveal The Secrets of Heaven to us, there are no disagreement, no confusion and no interpretation, just the Truth of God.

    How was it that when Paul finally met some of the apostles, despite not having sat at Jesus’ table, they all had the same understanding of The Gospel and calling of Christ upon their life?

    The Holy Spirit, who is still teaching, still helping, still revealing and correcting, and guiding.

    Not every religion is a way into the presence of God. Sure, you are worshipping something but that does not mean you are worshipping Him.
    Your favorite version of Jesus, the one you like the most, is not real.

    If you cannot tell the difference between God & idols, if you feel like you have to be accomodating and accepting and respectful of someone else’s religion, denomination or believes, please seek Him, because He is the only one who can get us all to understand what is true and what is not.
    “Lean not on your own understanding” was left for us for a reason.

    As for me, I suggest people stop worrying about how I chose to live my life because the day I die, I will not account to any of you for what I chose not to chase, nor will you account to me. And the truth of the matter is that 40+ years, I have never been a person that cares for the opinions of others. I have never done what’s been expected of me to do, and there are reasons for that that are not the topic of today’s post.

    Yes, there have been some close souls that, I thought were things they were not, and because of that I gave them loyalty that they did not deserve. I gave them the power to stab me in the back so many times, I could no longer feel the pain, and I am not mad at anyone for that, partly because I allowed it, mostly because I understand their reasons and motives better than they do, but now I found what I was always looking for.

    A solid relationship.

    Someone that I can count on, Someone I can trust.
    Someone who shows up with solutions, not judgement.
    Somebody who genuinely loves me and wants to see me grow, do better, and thrive the right way. His way.

    God is so faithful.

    I am not giving Him up because people don’t appreciate it, understand it or approve of it. I’m not.


    I have learned so much at the feet of The Cross these last 6 years, asking God directly, for His wisdom and His understanding because I did it the world’s way and it did not work. I did it the religious way and it did not work. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I did not want to sit here and continue to chase things that did not satisfy. I wanted to know what was true. I wanted to know what was real, and I was willing to make the changes, if The Lord was willing to provide the answers, and so I asked, and He answered, and I did changed, and now I am here.

    Asking you to seek, to know, beyond the shadow of doubt exactly who God is. What His standards are, according to Him and not what we think or someone else told us.
    I am asking you to please stop believing the lies of an enemy that knows scripture better than you ever will, and is an expert manipulator. He has been twisting God’s word since the dawn of time. An enemy that talked literal angels out of heaven, beings who knew the truth you struggle to accept. They know God is real, they do not obey Him either. And they do not wish you to.

    It is not our self-proclaimed believe [that is really just acknowledgement of the existence of God] that gains us eternity in His presence. It is how we chose to live our lives in service of Him.
    Jesus said “my sheep know my voice…” and that did not mean by listening to what other people say of Him.
    This is not about me, or you or anyone’s favorite pastor, preacher or religious denomination. It is about the absolute truth of God and the undiluted Gospel of Jesus Christ, as it was always meant to be known and lived, not with ourselves attached to it.

    Proverbs tells us to teach a child in the way he should go and he won’t depart from it, because we are creatures of habit. I did depart from it, because I realized that just because something is what we have always known does not make it true.

    To find truth, we must first seek Him. He created everything and only He gets to define what is good, true, moral & proper, and how.

    He once told me that of all of His creation, we [humans] are the only ones intent on choosing our own natural habitat, and that simple statement of fact once again had me course correcting my views of Him and life.

    He was also the one to remind me that The Centurion is remembered for his faith because he recognized power but also, understood chain of command.
    I should too, since I had served and never once did I complain about the expectations, restrictions and requirements the military placed over my life. On the contrary, I believed them to be a fair exchange for a roof, food, healthcare and the need to be anywhere they told me to go regardless of how I felt about it.
    Disobedience to orders in the military leads to a prison sentence and we [society] accept that as right, fair and proper punishment to being AWOL. Getting a dishonorable discharge is looked down upon, but when it comes to ways of God, it must be different. Accountability is bad and if He holds us to consequences He is somehow the bad guy.

    Why?
    Are we not soldiers in His army?
    Who is the Commander in Chief, you or Him?

    I now know the answer to all of these questions and so many others but for you to know for certain, you have to seek to know those answers for yourself.

    Question what you know. Look at who taught you, and who taught them.
    Look at your spiritual teacher, friends and family and ask yourself if their relationship with God resembles what you want to have, if it is, keep listening to them.
    If its not, then ask yourself why you are listening to people whose faith does not mirror what you desire to have?

    My unsolicited advice to you is seek your own salvation with fear & trembling. Seek the answers to your questions from The Source of All.
    He made you with a plan and a purpose and you must seek Him to discover it.
    Seek to know His voice, and follow His leading & prompting.
    Believe me when I tell you that if the god you serve always validates your views, preferences, feelings and sins… If he lacks consistency, and he changes with your moods and circumstances, then it is not God you serve at all, but an idol of your own creation, and that should concern you more than anything else in the world.
    Many of your, like me, are parents, passing down these behaviors and lies on to your children. Teaching them its ok to behave well so that a man in the north pole will reward them with worthless material possession, but never teaching them about the eternal rewards of The Kingdom of Heaven.

    As for me, I have said goodbye to my inner Martha, and embraced my inner Mary.
    It is not always easy, as bad habits do die hard, and there will always be Martha’s to tell me I should be doing something else with my time, and my life, but Jesus said that there was only one thing to be concerned about, which Mary had discovered and it would not be taken away from her.
    I have too discovered it, and it will not be taken from me either, nor will I give Him up.

    I can’t. I won’t. I am not sorry.

    Take all the time you have spend cursing my life with your words, judging what you do not know or understand, and put it to better use by seeking to know Him for yourself so that you are not mislead by the lies of the enemy and his ever-changing world.

    “”Enter through the narrow gate.
    For wide is the gate and easy to travel
    is the path that leads the way to destruction and eternal loss,
    and there are many who enter through it.
    But small is the gate and narrow and difficult to travel
    is the path that leads the way to everlasting life,
    and there are few who find it.”
    Matthew 7:13-14 AMP

    “Now while they were on their way, Jesus entered a village
    [called Bethany], and a woman named Martha
    welcomed Him into her home. [John 11:1]
    She had a sister named Mary, who
    seated herself at the Lord’s feet and
    was continually listening to His teaching.
    But Martha was very busy and distracted
    with all of her serving responsibilities;
    and she approached Him and said,
    “Lord, is it of no concern to You that my sister has left me to
    do the serving alone? Tell her to help me and do her part.”
    But the Lord replied to her,
    “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered
    and anxious about so many things;
    but only one thing is necessary,
    for Mary has chosen the good part
    [that which is to her advantage],
    which will not be taken away from her.””
    ‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭38‬-‭42‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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  • One Month Pt.2

    April 30th, 2026

    4. 30 @ 8:20 PM

    This morning I sat here drained. Full of questions. 

    Pt.1

    I am aware I do it to myself. My mind is a battle ground some days I fear I am loosing. It goes one way, I re-direct it another. It’s a constant tug of war.

    Now I sit here overwhelmed. 
    You answered Lord. Above & beyond my expectations.  Just when I thought the battle was lost You came through, and reminded me You already won.

    Bless Your people, Father. 

    After things were settled, I took Your advice to Elijah, I ate & went to sleep.

    I woke up to more.

    And when I felt like You’d out done Yourself by providing the part & the weekly rent, You then sent more to cover everything else. Plus work.

    I have no words. 

    How do You send total strangers as answers to prayers?

    When will it be our turn to provide for others again?

    How can I explain the fullness of You to someone who’s never experienced You when I have & can barely comprehend it some days. 

    I feel like I should not be surprised to see that this was how these 30 days ended. In provision. In abundance. In victory.

    Thank You, Jesus.

    I now understand why Jeremiah wept. It hurts to be transparent in this process &  be accused of lying. It hurts to see people so unable and more to the point, unwilling to see. I really do not have the energy to explain & defend. But it hurts to see how jaded society has become. Soften their hearts, Lord. Soften mine. I want to meet their accusations with grace, as I know You would want me to, because I know this wont be the last time this happens.
    I know people are hurting.

    Decades of pain, betrayals & disappointments have us all on the defensive. Always looking for fault, offense, lies. I remember being that person well & I won’t judge a person who does not know You for it. Bless her, Lord. She needs You just as much as I do.

    Help us, Jesus. We are learning, seeking but not fully grasping. There is always a new level of praise through the pain. I find myself digging deeper for a strength I don’t feel I possess, but You, God.

    You.

    My body & mind continues to want to embrace for impact, and it’s causing mental & physical pain & exhaustion. You said I am too distracted and today proved I am. Forgive me, Lord. My eyes are on You.

    You’ve saved us, Lord. It’s already done. We each just need to make those conscious choices to honor You. When the world says to meet hate with hate, we hold ourselves accountable to You & no one else. Open our eyes & ears to fully hear, fully understand what it is You are asking of us in every season. To always see You. Bless Your hands & feet, Lord, that they may always do your works for Your glory alone & not their own.

    Forgive me for always wanting easier. I know I have so much to be thankful for, I also have much to learn. Teach me, please. Only You can get me through, to the end of my race, with endurance.

    I am not scared of much anymore, Jesus, but I am afraid of losing You. Of failing. Of allowing myself to be my own obstacle in my relationship with You, as I used to. You truly are The Only One we need, and I know that. Keep me safe in Your hands, Lord, never let me go.

    Thank You for every door you opened, for every way You made, for Your faithfulness & grace.

    Thank You, Jesus.

    Thank You.

    “Then Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord;
    may it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel left her.”
    ‭‭Luke‬ ‭1‬:‭38‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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  • One Month

    April 30th, 2026

    30 days.

    They can feel like a lifetime.

    My circumstances are just that, they are not what matters. Jesus is.

    I know we both know better than to be down by the latest set back, but we are human, we’ve been at this a very long time & these last 30 days have been the hard.
    How are we going to pay for the room, the parts & everything else?
    If we are causing our delay, will You just say/send word?
    It feels as though things have been conspiring against us for so long. We’ve made mistakes & we’ve done our best to learn & do better. I hate feeling like I’m abusing Your grace & theirs, yet the more we aim to please You & live as You’re teaching, the worst things seem to get.

    I’ve been impatient & defeated for days. Today I feel like giving up, but I really can’t. Not because we don’t have the means to just pack up & leave, though there is that too. I’ve just come too far with You to turn around now. I can’t imagine ever spending another day w/o You. So now what?
    We feel stuck. If I can’t go back or forward, what’s left?

    Praise.

    I am once again reminded of the story of the man & cocoon. I feel just as trapped, struggling. It’s almost suffocating but You truly are the breath in my lungs.

    I understand, Jesus. I do.
    I see more than I should.
    I understand You so much more than I have any right to, yet like Paul, I seem to do what I shouldn’t.

    I don’t want to get tired, frustrated, I don’t want to micro analyze & wonder what I could have done better, different.
    I want to get things right the first time. I want to not need help. Yes, its prideful but its how I feel. Its ok to need help, I love helping others, but we shouldn’t need it. It’s not a rational way to feel when Your word tells us to care for each other.

    I’m tired, Lord.
    He is tired.
    I’m tired of watching him battle it out. I struggle to sit idly by unable to help.
    I Fear time is running out, but only You know for certain.
    How can I see what is wrong & not Fix it?

    Ok. Fine.

    How can I not meddle?

    I want to breathe in peace, no matter what. I know I can trust You, I need not worry. I want to stop expecting people to change, to step up, to give & not just take. I know how You’re showing me to do things & yet, it’s hard to pour into cracked vessels that do not hold nor pour back, but I can’t fault them for still being broken, Lord.

    I’m scared, Jesus. I’m tired. Yet, I know that all of my needs will be met by Your grace, somehow. I do.
    You are my Provider. My Redeemer. I am safe in Your hands. This hurts but here I will sit & praise, as You have taught me to.

    “When Jesus had spoken these things, He raised His eyes to heaven [in prayer] and said,
    “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, so that Your Son may glorify You.
    Just as You have given Him power and authority over all mankind, [now glorify Him] so that He may give eternal life to all whom You have given Him [to be His—permanently and forever].
    Now this is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true [supreme and sovereign] God,
    and [in the same manner know] Jesus [as the] Christ whom You have sent.”
    ‭‭John‬ ‭17‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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  • Spiritual Whac-a-mole

    April 2nd, 2026

    The title says it all.

    I should spare you all the rest of this because, again, the title says it all.

    This has been a season of spiritual whac-a-mole.

    The last year has been a series of events that can only be described as alternating between spiritual whac-a-mole and spiritual boxing. I’m either trying to hit something, or trying not to get hit. Just missed. Barely.

    Miraculously, still standing.

    I look around me and I see that I’m not the only one.
    The landmines I seem to be tip-toeing around and grenades I’m juggling around, look like feral kittens in comparison to the demons that are chasing, some of you.

    At least I am aware that I am caught in a spiritual battle. Too many people are not. You will not catch me complaining.

    As I sit here wondering, for the millionth time, how God will make a way out of this one, or more to the point, when, I can’t help but notice the patterns that were eluding me. The things that continue to repeat.

    For too long now, I have been distracted by what “goes wrong” and missing almost everything else.

    He warned me. He always warns me. Yet, I made an image in my head of what “hard” would look like and now find myself baffled when nothing in life matches the vision in my head.

    “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,
    declares the LORD…” Isaiah 55:8

    How many times does He have to remind me that my own view on things are not His?

    Yet the more faithful we try to remain [and I say try because we are human, we feel pain, frustration and disappointment] the harder life is intent on getting. Everything that can go wrong, does, at least 2x. Nothing makes sense. Still we trust. He said. He will. Soon, I hope.

    Paul spoke of having learned to be content with everything and almost nothing, turns out that is still the standard for us today.
    We are not entitled to a life of our own choosing. I have yet to find the biblical passages that instructs me to change with the changing times and work hard to keep up with the latest fads. I have tried to find it, trust me. I really have.

    People keep telling me that “God understands I have bills to pay, and children to feed” and that “I need a house, car…” and I hear it. I don’t disagree with any of it, except for the parts that contradict what God says. Those I can’t agree with.

    I want, more than anything, to live “a normal life” just like I want for it all to be easy, comfortable, secure, plentiful… who does not want that?

    But for us to have that right now would require us going against what God has asked of us, and that we cannot bring ourselves to do.
    I did it long enough. He has changed my mind, my heart, my soul in such a way that, now that I have found my place in the grand scheme of things, now that I know who I am because I know Who created me, now that I have experienced Him, His love, His mercy, His grace… I can no longer go back.

    I am irrevocably changed.

    So I will take life, one day at a time, one challenge at a time, reminding my mind & soul that all is well.

    I will trust.
    I will wait.
    I will learn to take the punches well.
    I will build the endurance required to be excellent in His eyes, no one else’s.

    People keep telling me they want to see me “do better” but nothing could be further from the truth. They want my life to make sense to them. They want me to do what everyone else is doing because, as far as they understand it, is how it has always been done. It is not. I will not.

    If they truly wanted me to do better then they would understand what I have learned to, that there is no “better” than God’s will over a life.
    Whoever they may be, whatever they may be going through.
    There is nothing better than choosing Him. He is the blessing. He is the treasure in the field the man sold all of His possessions to gain.

    I will not, cannot, enter the Kingdom of Heaven by pleasing men, only by pleasing Him. My life has always been hard. It has always been lonely. I’ve always been out of step and out of place. There have always been problems, drama and unexpected challenges/expenses, that will never change, and lucky for me [or blessed really, as God chose the man for me] Michael and I work extremely well in the dysfunction and chaos of the world.
    I know that at the end of it all, despite the losses, the changes and the challenges, we truly are better off for having Him at the expense of everything else. We have committed to this, to Him, and we have made it this far, and this long only by His grace, and despite my own impatience about our circumstances at times, I would not move a toe out of line to be where He has not called me to. The world has nothing to offer me that I have not tasted and been dissatisfied with, and that is not something that I can really explain to anyone else.

    Seek Him. With more stubborn determination than you have ever sought anything else. I will not promise you easy, because He didn’t. He will be faithful. He is always faithful in our time of need.

    We truly could never hope to deserve Him. I am forever overwhelmed by His faithfulness. I feel like I am splitting in half but in a good way. I can’t explain it. I encourage you to to seek Him.

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  • For Those Who Mourn

    March 24th, 2026

    You, Jesus, make the impossible, possible. You make the unbearable, bearable. You make ways where none exist.
    You give hope, and purpose.

    My heart is Yours, Lord.
    My life is Yours. Do not let me go, Jesus. I need You now as much as ever.
    You are The Source of my Peace. Thank You.

    Or as Ezekiel loves to say:

    “Thank You, Jesur for Jesus!”

    “Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you;
    not as the world gives do I give to you.
    Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.
    [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance
    and give you courage and strength for every challenge.]”
    ‭‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭27‬ ‭AMP‬‬


    I come to You on behalf of all who are heartbroken tonight.

    Loss is hard, Lord.
    Loss is painful.
    Death is final.

    There are no do-over, no more time, no more todays to procrastinate nor tomorrows to take for granted.

    Nothing.

    The absence of those we love, no matter how it happened or when, leaves a gaping hole and a million unanswered questions.
    No amount of time with our people can ever be enough.

    No parent should bury a child, no child should grow up without a parent, no person should have to learn to function & navigate life without their loved ones. Yet, death comes for us all, that is certain, but we don’t give it the attention it deserves, and for too many, it comes too soon.

    To lose a loved one in that permanent way should prompt us all to humbly come before the Throne of Christ to examine our lives & hearts & prioritize what truly matters:

    Our relationship with Jesus Christ.

    These days I spend a lot of time asking myself:

    “IF [enter deceased person’s name here] were to raise from the dead, what would she/he tell us?”

    And just when I stop pondering that question, one more person dies & it’s all I can think about again.

    It hurts to see someone part this life for the next, but not as hard as feeling powerless to do much to help ease their loved ones pain and suffering in their absence.
    It’s worse when it’s a person who rejected or neglected Jesus. He died
    for us so that we may live for Him.

    We really should be more Kingdom minded.

    “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world
    [wealth, fame, success],
    but forfeits his soul?
    Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”
    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭16‬:‭26‬ ‭AMP‬‬

    Today, I kept thinking that God never lies and so if a person loses their life but saves their soul nothing is lost and that should give us comfort, and cause to celebrate. That is often easier said than done, of course.
    Death is so unsettling, the absence is painful & deeply felt, and so for those who are mourning a friend, a spouse, a parent, or a child:

    I pray that You lean on Jesus Christ to fill in the hole left behind by your lost love.

    Talk to Him.
    Vent to Him.
    Cry to Him.
    Ask Him how to… Everything.

    Really.

    Jesus is not afraid of your questions, anger or pain.


    He is the best Helper, the best Healer, the best Listener, the best “Coping Mechanism.” Trust Him more than anyone else. Allow Him to guide You through everything from now on, not just this season of loss & grief.

    You will never regret fully trusting Him.

    On a personal level, I’d like to live my life pleasing God so that I’m not turned away when my day comes, and frankly I’d like no one else to be turned away either.

    Please, if you see this, ask Jesus reveal Himself to you so that you too can start living for Him, by His standard, not Your own.

    You see, God made us all with a plan and a purpose, and we should be seeking to know Him & His will for us with the same commitment we seek after the things of the world that are worthless in comparison.

    God really should be above all we know & love on this earth.

    Always.


    ❤
    Naryamie

    “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and mind and with all your soul and with all your strength [your entire being].
    These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be [written] on your heart and mind.”
    ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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  • Developments & Gratitude

    March 6th, 2026

    The last 24 hrs have been exciting for reasons only You understand, Jesus. And only You get the glory, the credit, the praise & everything else.

    As I continue forward with our plans in place for all You are doing in me, with me & though me, I look forward to seeing what you will do next.
    I see the pieces & they make sense, as they tie gifts together, but only You know the full picture.

    I ‘m excited by the possibilities of where You will lead us.

    As I get ready for bed, I lay my tomorrow in Your hands. I lay the entirety of my life, my children, my future [and at this moment most importantly, the future of P73BCM] to be led, composed, designed & established by You.

    In following with Your promise to equip me, I trust Your Holy spirit to guide & inspire me, so that I may operate fully in obedience to You, without strings attached that compromise the purity of You & dilute The Gospel of Jesus Christ.

    This is for You, Jesus Christ.

    For all of the years I wasted looking for You in all the wrong places while simultaneously running from You.

    It is long overdue & finally, with all the focus and attention it should always have had, and requires. Forgive me, Lord. I now know that You know all I will need, when I will need it & how You will provide it so long as I keep my eyes on You and stay the course.

    You also know what lays heavy on my heart:

    Family
    Friends
    Hopes
    Dreams
    Asperations

    Not mine, but Yours, for us all.

    I want to see Your stubborn children [myself included] walking fully with You in that child-like way, with that child-like trust, that You have been wanting from us since The Garden.

    I never dreamed of this life, yet I now see how You have been preparing me for this, my whole entire life, and watching You bring the pieces together has really been one of the most humbling experiences of my life.

    I want so desperately to share so much of what You have taught me in this season. Just two weeks away from a year of calling this place home and these people neighbors, You have taught me a lifetime worth of kingdom lessons, and it all comes full circle, back to You.

    From Genesis to Revelations. From the day I was born until the day I die. My reason for being is You.

    You are The Architect of life.

    The more I discover about You and Your purpose for my life, the more I find myself very much at home in my new reality, it’s just uncomfortable for the flesh to not do what it has always done, but for true Peace, I can be very uncomfortable.

    15 months ago, none of this looked possible, and I can admit it’s taken that long to get here because I spent the first 10 months trying to redirect, to control, streer, micromanage and create a circumstance that met my expectations of life by a worldy standard.

    Thank You for Jeremiah 12, for without it, I may still be in my feelings and entitlement. I find I am very content here. I truly love having less of absolutely everything, from stress to material possessions. I would never have reached this place without You.

    Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You for Your grace, your patience.

    I would be so lost without You.

    Only You could have taken our broken pieces and created a beautiful mosaic of perspective and wisdom. An entirely new creation in all of Your glory.
    The thing is, in many ways, I could always see it. I did not understand it, no, but deep in my soul I knew You had a purpose for all of the life experiences that shaped who Michael and I were, both as individuals and as a couple. Just as I now know that You have a purpose for all of the life experiences that are shaping, and hurting, those I love and even those I do not know.

    I want to see others walking in this Freedom that You offer.

    We are Your creation, Jesus and we matter to You, but who needs to change is us, and I for one I am incredibly thankful for all You have broken us from, all You have taught, all You have healed and how You are using the pieces of the broken now to build a beautiful [in the kingdom not the world] tomorrow.

    It is all about You.

    It is all about Your Kingdom.

    Your glory.

    Your righteousness.

    There are many ways in which we must die, to become what You intended. Despite the hardships, the losses, the heart shattering disappointments that have taken place over 2 decades, something in me recognizes that the hard work is actually about to begin. This is not a traditional/transactional adventure. This is going to take more reliance on You than we have had before, more blind trust, which should not be an issue because we know Your nature, we know Your goodness and faithfulness and so we embark forward trusting just You.

    Thank You.

    ““If racing against mere men makes you tired, how will you race against horses? If you stumble and fall on open ground, what will you do in the thickets near the Jordan?”
    ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭12‬:‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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  • Gratitude for the little moments

    March 3rd, 2026
    Kite flying at Celebration Park

    I do not live the life I thought I wanted but I do live a life I really enjoy.

    It’s different and difficult. In some aspects it lacks the structure I’m used to, but then the structure of God is rather different than that of the world.

    All things with God are.

    I miss having a schedule, I miss getting up at 4 in the morning to spent time with Jesus in the privacy of the closet before I set off to work, I miss silence… but what I have is better, and Jesus is available 24/7, silence not so much.

    I love our impromptu days at the park or the library. The opportunities that come up that we would otherwise miss out on if we lived the life I thought I wanted because I’d be at work and my child would be at school, like other children his age. Honestly, I can’t even imagine him in a classroom, he’d be so bored, and I’d miss out on the countless stories, drawing and discoveries he makes through out the day.

    I love watching him grow in his relationship with Jesus, he already knows his Bible better than I do. I love listening to his prayers, children have such a pure heart and Jesus called us to be childlike in our walk with Him… who best to learn childlike trust from than a child?

    First time fishing.

    There are so many things I wish were different or rather easier. Some days I wish the business was busier, thought I am thankful for our small beginning. I know it’s only programming on my part. It’s strange sometimes to find that all I was taught was wrong, even though it’s in the scriptures. We (society) have such a pessimistic view of life, we are never happy, we want things to be better, easier, comfortable. We are prone to ingratitude and complaints. We stress about things that are weeks if not months away. Always looking for the next experience, adventure or acquisition.

    We take so much for granted. Too much.

    Life did not make sense to me then, but life makes sense now.

    The complete and utter alteration my life underwent with Jesus at the helm, as a project manager of sorts, has not been without difficulty or pain, but His ways make sense, and bring me peace.

    I was created with a plan and a purpose, with gifts and dreams, that are all rooted in who Jesus made to be. He literally gave me the desires of my heart when He created me, which have nothing to do with what the world has taught me, and He never once expected me to go through life on my own figuring out what “I want to be when I grow up.” As I discover who He is and who He made me to be, I find that God is not the author of chaos and confusion, it’s the world that has misled me about everything, and a lot of times, most of the time, really, we don’t know because we have not asked Him.

    In Him, all of my questions have answers, all of my pain has a purpose, so much of it was self inflected, because I was trying to figure out life rather than seeking Him, His kingdom, His righteousness.

    I am thankful to Jesus Christ for His patience, mercy and grace, for the gift of time to turn my life around rather than allowing me to perish forever when He should have. I’m thankful for a 2nd chance at life, at marriage, at parenting, to learn His way in all things and live a life that is worthy of His mercy and grace.

    Perfect I am not, and I will never be, but I can choose to be a person who seeks the will, the wisdom, of God over her life and her family in all aspects, who has gratitude to Him in all things and for all things, and who would rather be “missing out” on a life that is filled with stress and anxiety trying to keep up with the demands of an ever changing world, because in Jesus I have all I need, spiritually, physically and mentally. One day at a time.

    The more I know God, the more I understand the intricacies of His design, and I find there is comfort in His purpose.

    No, I am not living the life I thought I wanted, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why I ever wanted it at all… but I can never thank Him enough for all He has done for me today, and over the years, as He has been teaching me, breaking me, molding me, and for our time together, for our strange way of life, for the neighbors He has surrounded us with, for the peace and simplicity of the life that He has called us to, together, heavy as it may be at times, He always carries the load, anyway.

    Maybe this will always be our life, maybe it won’t, I do not know and it does not matter. God knows what tomorrow holds and today, I simply chose to cherish, with praise and gratitude to my Lord Jesus Christ.

    “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.”
    ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14‬:‭12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “And yet, “Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind.””
    ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.”
    ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭6‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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  • Release, Surrender.

    February 20th, 2026
    AI generated image using Grok

    I see patterns.

    I do not know how or why, but I do.
    I’ve seen them since I was a child, and though I did not always understand what they meant, I could see the repetitiveness of certain circumstances or situations in my life & the life of those around me. Because of this, people have always found me harsh in speech & I’ll admit, it’s hard to keep quiet sometimes, but…

    God is prepping the soil. I’m learning to work through things with Him, and so here we are;

    I see it, but unlike previous times, this time I have nothing to say.
    This time, I’m getting out of His way so that people can fail or succeed on their own.


    “Good intentions,” and the need to” protect” someone we love is such a strange double sided blade. Just because something makes us feel better does not mean it is helpful Just because we want something does not mean it is in our best interest.

    Love cuts. Jesus.

    True love is not an endless happy feeling deep in my chest.
    It is the constant choice to show up with truth, with whole-hearted
    assistance & support, for those You have entrusted to me, without expectations, strings or manipulation.
    Love is choosing to accept that others are fallible, just as I am, and forgiveness and grace are essential, while also remembering that hard conversations close the door to resentment, and lead to a healthier situation for all.
    Love is understanding that I am the one who changed on them, and in their own way they care but they to not understand, and I cannot explain it to them, for very many reasons, not the least of which is Jesus Christ has to be experienced. He is a person, not an idea. We can share our testimonies but you do not know His faithfulness until you give Him the opportunity to show Himself faithful in the way that only He can.


    I see patterns, and they drive people crazy because no one likes to be warned off their wants. I want to make things better, I want to teach them differently, I want to save them from pain, but if I’ve learned anything at all is that what broke me, won’t fix me.

    It won’t fix them either.

    The best I can do for all involved is remove myself, my feelings and my opinions out of the equation & pray;

    Intercede rather than intervene.

    Now, I let Jesus handle me, them & all involved. I trust Him to do what I have seen Him do with me. With us.

    You created us, Lord, You know us inside & out, You know which lessons we need & how to best walk us & teach us through it.

    People like to say “life/time are the best teaches,” but that’s not true.

    You are the best teacher.

    Only You.

    In this season. I choose to focus on me. On You. On how I can better walk in obedience to You, Your word, Your calling over my life. I don’t care to be distracted by what You are or not doing in the lives of others, not even my husband or children.

    I know that above all I answer to You, I trust You to lead. I choose to trust You & Michael to lead me. I know who You are. I have seen Your faithfulness every day of my life. You wrote my testimony. You saved me from myself, You have always kept me safe, housed, fed. I now understand what used to elude me:

    My provider is You.
    My provision is You.
    In You, I will always have enough, of all I need.

    With or without people, whoever they may be, I just need you. You created me with a plan and a purpose, and obedience is what you value most, and I have discovered that I like Your ways better, and so I aim to please You.
    It is not always easy, to love them as You have asked me to, but surrendering them to You is the best I can do, for them and for me. To love them with an open palm knowing that You gave them to me, You can take them back at any time, for any reason, and I live in gratitude for the good and the bad of today, whatever that looks like. If I can trust You with my life, I can trust You with theirs too. I will trust You to teach them through their mistakes, to refine them in their fire & while it hurts to watch my people stress, hurt & struggles, when I can so clearly see there’s a better way, I cannot rob them of the experiences that break their chains and brings them closer to You. I cannot hinder their process. You are writing their testimony as You wrote mine. ..

    And so I see the patterns, Lord.
    In my life, and in their life, but this time I choose to sit and pray and stay out of the way.
    I will occupy my thoughts with Your word and my time proceeding with the tasks You asked me to complete.
    I know that You know who they are, You know where their pain lies, You know their strength & weakness, and You so much better than me, know their patterns, the calling You have over their lives, and I will praise & worship my way through my wilderness and theirs, I will stand in the gap, for their victory, for the honor of Your name.

    Abraham understood, Lord, how to walk with You.
    How to receive Your blessings & entrust them back to You. People always try to hold on.
    Abraham was willing to sacrifice his child, his promise, long awaited for 25 long years. Abraham set off believing that God would provide an alternate sacrifice, or even raise Isaac back from the dead, he did not understand but he trusted, he did not give up halfway to Mt. Moriah and turn around because he had not yet seen God’s provision, he stayed the course and trusted his beloved child back to God, and his unshakeable faith saved Isaac from his death sentence. Where Sarah would have held on, as we mothers tend to do, argue, debate, negotiate, Abraham loved and cared for his son with his palm opened. Gentle. Patient. Trusting that God gave it, and if God took it away, it was because God had a plan for Isaac’s life that, Abraham did not understand, but chose to trust anyway. Abraham had seen God’s miraculous provision and favor. He had seen The Lord be faithful in the past, he did not allow himself to doubt or worry.

    I now choose to do the same.

    I will continue to pray for them. I will pray for them all, Jesus., friends, family, strangers, that You may open their eyes to any truth they are refusing to see, that You may open their ears to Your voice, so that they can march to the cadence of Your voice, alone.

    I want so desperately to fix things. I can throw myself at busy work that leads nowhere but arguments and drama, very well… but the ways of the world have always failed me, no matter how or why, I just never have walked in sync with it, and for that I am grateful because, through my collection of life failures and unsatisfactory achievements, I found my way to You, Jesus, and I know that if You could take that mess of a girl and turn her into who I am today, healed, whole… then those I loved the most are safe in Your hands.

    I serve You best by simply staying out of the way, quiet, and praying, worshipping, telling of Your goodness and faithfulness at every possible turn and trusting beyond all hope in You.

    “Then Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head [in mourning for the children],
    and he fell to the ground and worshiped [God].
    He said, “Naked (without possessions) I came [into this world]
    from my mother’s womb, And naked I will return there.
    The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
    Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.”
    ‭‭Job‬ ‭1‬:‭20‬-‭22‬ ‭AMP‬‬

    “I will give thanks and praise the Lord, with all my heart;
    I will tell aloud all Your wonders and marvelous deeds.
    I will rejoice and exult in you; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭9‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭AMP‬‬

    “All things are wearisome and all words are frail; Man cannot express it.
    The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor is the ear filled with hearing. [Prov 27:20]
    That which has been is that which will be [again],
    And that which has been done is that which will be done again.
    So there is nothing new under the sun.
    There is no remembrance of earlier things,
    Nor also of the later things that are to come;
    There will be for them no remembrance
    By generations who will come after them.”
    ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭1‬:‭8‬-‭9‬, ‭11‬ ‭AMP‬‬

    By faith Abraham, when he was tested
    [that is, as the testing of his faith was still in progress],
    offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises
    [of God] was ready to sacrifice his only son [of promise];
    [Gen 22:1-10] to whom it was said,
    “Through Isaac your descendants shall be called.”
    [Gen 21:12] For he considered [it reasonable to believe] t
    hat God was able to raise Isaac even from among the dead.
    [Indeed, in the sense that he was prepared to sacrifice Isaac in obedience to God]
    Abraham did receive him back [from the dead] figuratively speaking.”
    ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11‬:‭17‬-‭19‬ ‭AMP‬‬

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  • A prayer and a note…

    January 21st, 2026

    The world is hurting, Lord, and by comparison, my troubles really are nothing at all.

    You know who they are, Jesus.

    You know the deepest, darkest corners of their hearts.
    You know their hopes, their fears, their doubts, their dreams… You know, Jesus.

    You know.

    You see all things, Lord.
    You see them.
    You count every tear.
    They may not know You yet, Jesus, but you know them. You keep them. You are their only hope, though some do not know it at all.

    Some are friends. Some are family. Some are acquaintances, others are complete strangers to me, yet all are known and loved by You, Lord.
    They are not strangers to You, and there is an invitation before them all to be Yours. Only Yours. You know the best and worst of them. You care, You see, You know. They cannot yet see You, feel you or trust You, but you have never once left their side.

    They are terrified, Lord. They are hurting. There is a hopelessness about them. A million unanswered questions that threatned to drown them. They cannot see a way out, and frankly, only You know if a way out even exists.

    Tomorrow is promised to none of us.
    Only You have all the answers.

    For each and everyone of them, I have stood in gap, in prayer and supplication, but You, Lord, You teach, You correct, You want us to truly find our way Home to You.

    And so You said to me:

    “Not this way. Not this time.”

    and I understand now, Lord. How you are chosing to have me proceed here.
    How I am to stand in the gap, in praise and worship, in gratitude, because they are not yet able, willing or maybe just capable, to praise and thank You for the hardships of life, but…

    I know You to be faithful, Jesus.
    I know You to be gracious.
    But You forge things in the fire.

    I have learned to trust You with my life Lord, with a trust that You have earned despite my weak and hardheaded ways, and I stand in praise and worship, from a place of victory, for the day when they will trust You and only You, with their life too, Jesus.

    As we should.

    Thank You, Jesus, for opening my eyes, and theirs.
    Thank You for wrapping us in Your peace and safety, through the storms of life. I have seen what You can do and I bring my “paralitic friends” to You, as You requested Lord, not in doubt but in celebration, for the lives that will be won for Your Kingdom.

    When word of the first diagnosis came months ago, I never could have forseen how many more of those we would be hearing of in the months to come.
    Over and over, so many people from all walks of life are fearing for their lives, literally. They are carrying heavy burdens, they are being given percentages and averages that are not comforting, and You did not intend for them to carry the weight without You, but they don’t know how to allow You to carry their load, and so I came to You in prayer, and then repeteadly over the months, as others were receiving all similar news, I came asking, begging, bartering, for the miracle that I knew would heal and win them for you… but You brought something to my attention, about me, about them.
    At first I did not fully understood, but as always, You further delve into the heart of the matter, and understanding is given to me. You gave me the account in Mark 2. A paralytic man who was healed because his friends believed, and you asked me:

    What did I believe? Believe is not what I say, but what I do.

    I was praying for their healing, but what did I truly expect of You?
    What did I truly think You capable of doing? Who did I believe had the final authority here?
    There have been a lot of really hard, really mindblowing questions that I just never thought I would have to consider but… hard questions are Your speciality.
    After more weeks of praying, from a position of defeat [not to be confused with a position of surrender] You brought my attention to a very important and now almost painfully obvious point:

    I first needed to decide where my agreement lay.

    Did I believe what the doctors said about the person, or did I believe what You said about the person? It’s one or the other, I cannot come into agreement with both…

    You pointed out that the friends of the paralytic man, did not break a hole in the roof to see if maybe Jesus could or would.
    They knew what You could do, they had seen Your power, and if the possibility of their friend not being healed entered their heads, to my view, they did not act like it.

    Then you brought my attention to the Centurion and how the same can be said of him.
    The centurion was a soldier in man’s army. A man who understood chain of command, understood power. He did not need Jesus to come into His home, more frankly, he knew he was not worthy of such honor. He did not need to see Jesus lay hands on his servant. In that way, he did not limit God. He truly recognized Jesus’ power, and submitted to it accordingly. Jesus said “I will come” but the centurion spoke the truth his heart recognized, Jesus did not need to be physically present to perform the miracle of healing his servant.

    There was no room for doubt. No place for maybe, and so:

    I do not come into agreement with what the world, the experts, have said. In fact, I reject it.

    I do come into agreement with God’s word and His will over your lives.

    FRIEND:
    I know life hurts. I know you are scared, for yourself or for someone you love, it makes no difference, sooner or later, fear comes for us all. I know you have a lot going through your mind and it may not seem like it, but I love you so much. I know, I dont even know some of you, but I know The God who loves you, and so I love you too, and I stand in the gap, to help you carry your load, as God calls us to do for one another. I do not surrender your life to professional opinions, when I know that God is the only one whose opinion actually matters. The only one who can, who will.

    As someone who should have been dead and buried long ago but by the grace of Jesus…
    I know firsthand that when God is not done with us, there is nothing that can take us out and I beg YOU:

    Open your heart and mind to Him fully. We should not limit Him to what we think, feel or see. Paul told us that “hope which is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he alreadys sees?”
    Allow yourself to learn to trust Him. Cling to Him. Speak to Him like He is a friend in the room, because He is. He is present He is listening. Come as you are, unload the burdens of your soul and dare to see what God can do with it all. Allow Him.

    Remember we are all facing different kinds of difficulties. Some are not necesarily better than others, just different, as all are painful and difficult to us in their own way, but I invite you to ask yourself:

    What is really the worst that can happen if you allowed God complete and total control of your life, with trust, praise and worship no matter what it looks like and inspite of what others say?

    Until you are able to answer that question, if only for yourself, know that I, and many others, are here, trusting, praising, thanking and worshipping on your behalf. God has the last word. Always.

    “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭121‬:‭5‬-‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “The name of the Lord is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe.”
    ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’ For I have chosen you and will not throw you away. Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
    ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    “But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one. And we are confident in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we commanded you. May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.”
    ‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3‬:‭3‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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  • 12.28.25

    December 28th, 2025

    You are faithful, Lord.

    I am so undeserving.

    I don’t know how You do it, and what’s more, I don’t understand why You bother. Personally, I have zero patience for my own stubbornness most days. I see the patterns, but breaking the behavior is harder than people tend to acknowledge.

    Thank You.

    Thank you for Your patience and mercy.

    Thank You for every humbling reminder of just how much I have to be thankful for.

    Thank You.


    The last week has been one for the books. I see how You use those closest to me to teach and correct me. I now understand (to a small extent and in a very different way) why David knew that he could face Goliath and succeed.
    The intimacy and isolation of the pasture fields allowed for the time, and the predators presented opportu­nities, to truly develop that trust in You, God.

    I pray more of us develop a heart for You as David had, but mostly I pray more of us remember all of David’s story, his failures as well as his successes.

    Thank You for the people You placed on our path today.

    Thank You for never leaving me.

    Thank you for always allowing me to hear how stupid my own doubt sounds.

    I understand why it had to be this way, and what’s more, I thank You for it. Today, I find myself grateful for simply breathing, because when that alone is a miracle, everything else is a bonus. Only You. Jesus could make a way.
    It is not about what You have given me, but about Your faithful presence.
    It’s about You being more than enough. You keeping Your promises. About how you lead, how You provide, always to Your standard not mine.

    I have no interest in the crown. I have no desire for the responsibilities that would come with one, but I do want the heart of David and the wisdom of Solomon.

    I want to fully, wholeheartedly live life for You.

    Totally and completely.

    I understand now that You knew me, You created me, You had a plan and a purpose for me before I was ever born. I need not find my place in this world because my place is in You, and because of that, any place is home, as long as You are there.
    I am thankful for You, for all that You are and all that You give, and I am committed to living this life You have called me to, because I want to honor and obey You.

    I want to serve You with my whole heart all of the days of my life, and I cannot hold to anything above You to truly do that. I cannot pray for Your will over my life and then decide what it looks like. All I can do is trust You. Obey You. Follow Your examples and those of the disciples.

    I cannot say that You are The Lord of my life and then attach demands and requirements for my earthly comfort in exchange for my obedience to You. The world is transactional, but You are not.

    You are faithful, Jesus.

    You are faithful and worthy of the honor and the praise. You are worthy of the suffering and the pain.

    Only You.

    I want to boldly walk the road for which You have made me. Fully reliant on You and nothing and no one else, and with my talents and gifts under Your control and direction.


    I understand more now, Lord, and I thank you. Only You could take my most hated time of the year and turn it into my most favorite for reasons that have nothing to do with earthly gifts or traditions.

    Thank You.

    You truly are The Best Friend I could have ever hoped for.

    “Show us your unfailing love, O Lord, and grant us your salvation.
    I listen carefully to what God the Lord is saying, for he speaks peace to his faithful people.
    But let them not return to their foolish ways.
    Surely his salvation is near to those who fear him, so our land will be filled with his glory.
    Unfailing love and truth have met together.
    Righteousness and peace have kissed!
    Truth springs up from the earth, and righteousness smiles down from heaven.
    Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings.
    Our land will yield its bountiful harvest.
    Righteousness goes as a herald before him, preparing the way for his steps.”

    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭85‬:‭7‬-‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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