4. 30 @ 8:20 PM
This morning I sat here drained. Full of questions.
I am aware I do it to myself. My mind is a battle ground some days I fear I am loosing. It goes one way, I re-direct it another. It’s a constant tug of war.
Now I sit here overwhelmed.
You answered Lord. Above & beyond my expectations. Just when I thought the battle was lost You came through, and reminded me You already won.
Bless Your people, Father.
After things were settled, I took Your advice to Elijah, I ate & went to sleep.
I woke up to more.
And when I felt like You’d out done Yourself by providing the part & the weekly rent, You then sent more to cover everything else. Plus work.
I have no words.
How do You send total strangers as answers to prayers?
When will it be our turn to provide for others again?
How can I explain the fullness of You to someone who’s never experienced You when I have & can barely comprehend it some days.
I feel like I should not be surprised to see that this was how these 30 days ended. In provision. In abundance. In victory.
Thank You, Jesus.
I now understand why Jeremiah wept. It hurts to be transparent in this process & be accused of lying. It hurts to see people so unable and more to the point, unwilling to see. I really do not have the energy to explain & defend. But it hurts to see how jaded society has become. Soften their hearts, Lord. Soften mine. I want to meet their accusations with grace, as I know You would want me to, because I know this wont be the last time this happens.
I know people are hurting.
Decades of pain, betrayals & disappointments have us all on the defensive. Always looking for fault, offense, lies. I remember being that person well & I won’t judge a person who does not know You for it. Bless her, Lord. She needs You just as much as I do.
Help us, Jesus. We are learning, seeking but not fully grasping. There is always a new level of praise through the pain. I find myself digging deeper for a strength I don’t feel I possess, but You, God.
You.
My body & mind continues to want to embrace for impact, and it’s causing mental & physical pain & exhaustion. You said I am too distracted and today proved I am. Forgive me, Lord. My eyes are on You.
You’ve saved us, Lord. It’s already done. We each just need to make those conscious choices to honor You. When the world says to meet hate with hate, we hold ourselves accountable to You & no one else. Open our eyes & ears to fully hear, fully understand what it is You are asking of us in every season. To always see You. Bless Your hands & feet, Lord, that they may always do your works for Your glory alone & not their own.
Forgive me for always wanting easier. I know I have so much to be thankful for, I also have much to learn. Teach me, please. Only You can get me through, to the end of my race, with endurance.
I am not scared of much anymore, Jesus, but I am afraid of losing You. Of failing. Of allowing myself to be my own obstacle in my relationship with You, as I used to. You truly are The Only One we need, and I know that. Keep me safe in Your hands, Lord, never let me go.
Thank You for every door you opened, for every way You made, for Your faithfulness & grace.
Thank You, Jesus.
Thank You.
“Then Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord;
may it be done to me according to your word.” And the angel left her.”
Luke 1:38 AMP