As I type, I sit on the floor in my closet, using a basket of clean laundry as a desk. I have my playlist playing at full volume in my ears, knowing the house should remain quiet as the kids sleep in late. These days I spend most of my time here, worship music playing in the background, I study the Bible, pray, write, and read books on love, faith & spiritual warfare.
This is where I lay down every doubt and every struggle.
Today I’m running late, and I’m easily distracted. It has become a frequent obstacle for me to overcome, this struggle, which is both physical and spiritual. It’s hard to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow him. I will never pretend it’s not, but it gets easier with practice. Surrendering is both the easiest and the hardest thing to do, it requires humility before God. When I say that I recommit myself to Jesus every single day, I mean it. I have tried the alternatives the world serves as poor substitutions and they do not fill me with joy. Nothing on this earth satisfies my soul.
There are days when it comes a little easier, choosing to have a grateful attitude for all that I have in life, especially when so much looks uncertain. Today is not one of those days. I am struggling and have been for a few days now, it makes me feel off-balance.
Jesus is my rock, my foundation. Not being able to focus on Jesus does not destabilize the rock, it does not damage the foundation, it just makes me feel like it does. It forces me to be more purposeful in my pursuit. I walk away and try again later. I remind myself that feelings mislead me and that I don’t need to know or see what God is doing. I push myself to thank him, to trust him, to pray to him, and speak with him, but most importantly, to listen to him.
There are days of discouragement and apathy, but I no longer let them claim me, I let them drive my search for Jesus because I no longer wish to entertain those feelings. I know that the closer I get to reaching the end of this tunnel, the more satan wants me discouraged, and that is when I need Jesus the most because on my own, it would be impossible not to fall to the weight of doubt, worry, and fear.
You give us choices, Lord. Everything is a choice between you and the world. Every day I make a choice, to either submit to those feelings or trust you.
I chose you.
I have no idea what you are doing, and I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I will continue to push myself out of bed, into the darkness of the closet before the sun is even out to thank, praise, and worship you, and as a result, you close the door on the darkness that attempts to sneak in. You are the strength in my weakness, Lord. You carry the weight for me. You walk at my side, always there, even when I don’t see or feel you. I have become dependent on your everlasting presence. You are the calm in the storm. The one true God. I trust you. You are my source of comfort, my source of peace. You fill me with joy. You are the only one who can both soothe & fill my soul. I chose to make time for you. I chose to pursue you.
I chose you.
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
“What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord, who have set their minds on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger, and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem.” Psalms 84:5-7 NLT
Every day, I gain a little more understanding of the relationship you offer, and what is expected of me, Lord. Every day, I commit fully to living for you, to coming to you with all things. I chose to invite you into every aspect of my life, and extend the love and compassion that you have shown me, to others. It is not something that comes naturally to me, but I no longer doubt what I can accomplish with you.
The words fail me. It’s not a lack of words but an excess of them. There is so much I want to say, so much I struggle to say and so much I should say but don’t really want to. My life has been turned upside down. I’ve been stripped down of every earthly belief. My eyes have been opened. There is a lot that I now understand so clearly, just as there are things I am still learning, and though I am a work in progress, already I’m not the same.
I understand there are seasons in life. Sunny seasons and stormy seasons. Each is unique in its way, no 2 people experience them the same. Each season comes with its own set of lessons.
I used to look at the hardships of life with resentment. I felt entitled to only good things. I don’t want pain. I don’t want to suffer. Every day I’d complain, even when things were good, I’d find something to complain about. Nothing was enough. I have much to be grateful for but I chose to focus on what we didn’t have.
I had heard people say things like “You can have peace in the storm.” or “You have to learn to dance in the rain.” There have been a few “There is light at the end of the tunnel.” and “Joy comes in the morning.” too. I can’t tell you how often I heard those words, but I can tell you I did not fully understand them. They are not just things people say, though we have turned them into that.
I thought I knew and understood you, God. I didn’t. I had heard about you, but I had not sought to get to know you for myself. Not really. I don’t know when you became this powerless all-powerful being that humanity has made you out to be, but I have found that you are not that.
God, you are capable of anything, yesterday, today, and always.
You love, and you forgive, and you redeem. I don’t know when I got lost in the lies, but I know that lost is not how you meant for us to live. It’s been a long road here for me, not as hard as it could have been, granted, but more complex than it should have been because I wanted to be in control. I would get upset when things did not go the way I wanted them to go, and then I’d blame you for things going wrong when I never did include you in any of my planning.
It’s easy to see your hand, God, in the good things and be thankful when things are going well, but learning to see your hand at work in the darkness of the storm, thanking you for the good and the bad, for what I have and for what I don’t, that has been life-changing.
I changed my focus. I prioritize Jesus in my life, over all other things, especially during an uncomfortable season. I took my eyes off the world and found not just redemption but peace, freedom, and a relationship that sees me through everything life has thrown at me. I used to react to my circumstances, but now I let them drive me closer to you. I chose to run to you in every circumstance. I am thankful for every “no” that led me here, Lord. I no longer stress about things I can do nothing about, I no longer think about tomorrow. I take every day as it comes, grateful for all that I have and that I used to take for granted. A lot of this does not come naturally to me, but you make it possible. By seeking Jesus, I have gotten closer to you, who created me, and in the process, I have discovered that I can get through difficult days with peace and joy. The hard moments still come, I just learned to tackle them differently. I now understand that you are not looking for me to keep busy in earthly pursuits, though a life of service comes as a byproduct of this relationship.
Every day I choose to go through life searching for the Father, following the Son and led by the Holy Spirit, always keeping them front and center in my heart and mind. I have learned to have peace in the storm and see the beauty and need for it. I have learned there is joy to be found in this world, though it is not of this world. I have learned about who God truly is. I have learned the truth about love and how to show compassion to those who are also suffering. These are not just words, they are actions I chose to take every day. Every morning, I entrust my day to Him, and every evening I thank Him for seeing me through it. I know there are no guarantees of earthly happiness. I know I will never live a problem-free life on this earth. I know that there are things that I don’t know, and I don’t need to know them, because God does. I have learned to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow Jesus. And looking back now, remembering where I was just a year ago, I would not have things any other way.
So thank you, Father, for all you have given and all you will give.
Thank You.
This is what the Lord says: “Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom, or the powerful boast in their power, or the rich boast in their riches. 24 But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord, have spoken!” Jeremiah 9:23-24 NLT
“And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that comes from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” Colossians 2:6-10 NLT
3 simple words. So simple, they don’t seem like enough. 3 words that are everything to me, I repeat them often. They changed everything.
Thank you, Jesus.
The words give me comfort. They keep me centered on my creator. I take nothing for granted, for nothing on earth is promised to us.
I find myself thankful for every moment I draw breath. I find that am thankful for every day I get to watch the kids grow & learn. I find myself thankful for every battle that Michael & I tackle together.
Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Lord!
Gratitude is all I have to offer Him.
Every day that I have with them. For every moment of every day, I am grateful. There is so much to show gratitude for.
Thank you, Jesus, for every day you gift me. Thank you, Jesus, for every moment I learn & grow. Thank you, Jesus, for the struggles and hardships. There is beauty in the storm.
When you decide to take a road trip with your family, you try to think of everything you could possibly need, plan for every possible scenario, and anticipate every detail, from the clothes you will wear to the car’s needs. So in accordance to this, the week before we set off for Florida, Michael took the time to make sure that the car had all the routine maintenance it could possibly need to get us to Florida safely, so you can imagine our surprise when, with no warning whatsoever as the car had never given any indication that it was having electrical issues, on Friday, July 13th the alternator died, leaving us stranded with a dead battery in the middle of a 2 lane bridge in Louisiana in the dead of night.
It was terrifying, the bridge on US 190 [Ronald Regan Hwy] was built in the early 1900’s from what I could tell and a hazard from what we heard after the fact from the locals, its only 4 lanes total, 2 east/2 westbound with no space whatsoever to pull over in case of emergency, we were the 3rd car to break down that on that bridge that day but to our disadvantage, it was dark, with thunder and lightning and the dead battery which meant no working lights to let others know that we were invading an actual lane.
I have to credit God with my ability to stay calm in a crisis and just react as necessary. Before the car was at a complete stop, I was climbing down, barefoot, and using one of the phone’s flashlights to let others know we were there. Never in my life had I been more grateful for a white car and my obsession with fully charged phone batteries. Kaleb dialed 911 and had Michael talked to them while I praised and sang and worshipped God, begging mostly, and signaled with the flashlight so that people would notice us stranded. I was already having the worst week of my life and struggling to keep myself together. God was all the strength I had left, and I trusted him to keep us safe on that bridge, but just to be smart, I had the kids get out of the car and stay away. I can’t take credit for that moment of brilliant thinking; I could almost hear the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear, “Why do they stay in the car?” It’s a thought I’ve had a million times when I read about tragedies that happen on the road, and thank God I had the wisdom to listen. I know, it probably sounds crazy to you, but if you had been there, you’d understand. I am not crazy, God is just that real. As soon as Michael’s call to 911 ended, he grabbed another phone that was fully charged and started using that flashlight also, we had a handful of close calls, so close I was sure they were going to hit us but God was on that bridge with us that night because not a single car ever touched us, somehow, every single driver, noticed us and managed to safely move out of the way, or stop just in time. The biggest help came from the 18 wheelers who would slow down almost to a complete stop when they saw us and flashed their hazard lights to force others to slow down also since the speed limit on that bridge was 55 and yet no one was doing less than 70, I have a new found respect for truck drivers, their quick thinking helped everyone on that bridge, not just us. Kaleb stated it took the first cop 10-15 mins to reach us, but I swear it felt like so much longer.
A pickup truck driver, a good Samaritan, really, pulled over and parked in front of us, before the cops arrived, in hopes of pulling us off the bridge. In a day and age where no one stops to help anyone anymore, this driver and his passenger did, and we could not say thank you enough. I hated that we were not carrying cash because I wanted to show more appreciation than just saying “thank you” for the hundredth millionth time.
Trust & believe, we said “thank you” a lot that night.
3 patrol units, 4 cops ended up showing up. It must be a small-town Louisiana thing because I have never seen 3 neighboring departments show up to a scene. We had the 2 officers from the Point Coupe Sheriff’s dept, an officer from Krotz Springs, and another from the Louisiana State Police. These men were so amazing, working hard to find a way to quickly get us all off the bridge. The men in the pickup pulled us off the road and to a nearby gas station, where we waited until the tow truck arrived. The nice man from Krotz Spring drove me and the kids off the bridge while Michael and the 2 men from the pickup towed the car off the bridge. The Point Coupe and state police served as escort. I am not going to lie, they could’ve totaled my back bumper, pushing my car off the bridge with a patrol unit, and I wouldn’t have cared one bit. I just wanted us all off that bridge, not just my family, but the cops and good Samaritans also.
In the end, more than 4 officers and 2 civilians ended up assisting us that night. I was informed by the Krotz Spring’s officer that a woman driving in the opposite direction had seen us stranded and actually stopped by the station to let them know we were there and, when we arrived at the Oak Tree Inn the lady at the counter informed us that they had been expecting us as yet another police officer had gone by to let them know we were stranded and would be needing a room for the night. The motel was perfectly placed next to a large field for the dogs to run and a 24 hr dinner, so everyone had all we needed for the night, the employee tried to get us a big room but they only had singles available, trust and believe we didn’t care how big the room was, we were only there for the night and needed a safe place to sleep and rest. 4 people and 2 dogs managed very well in the small room, and she was amazingly helpful, giving us more toiletries, extra blankets, pillows, and towels than 4 people could possibly need.
Meanwhile the incredibly helpful officers from Point Coupe, having escorted us from the gas station to the motel, proceeded to drive Michael to an ATM so he could pay the tow truck, I believe they may have gotten in trouble by a superior they ran into at the ATM location for driving Michael around but he tells me they didn’t seem too concerned about it, as they saw it as part of their job description of serving the community, personally I feel like they went above and beyond for us, driving us off the bridge, finding us a safe place for the night, making jokes to keep the kids calm. I felt so blessed by the entire fiasco. God just kept placing the perfect people in our path along the way. All things considered, everything worked out well.
The next morning, we were wondering how we would get to the auto parts store and back on the road. Michael had done his research the night before, the motel had surprisingly good wifi, and had found that there was a nearby store that opened at 7, so he set an alarm, called as soon as they opened, and praised Jesus! they had our alternator in stock, Michael had them set it aside for us and then proceeded to ask a few people for assistance to jump-start the car unsuccessfully, we had the cables but they just didn’t want to help, which was ok, he walked to the gas station next to the motel and asked an employee where we could get some assistance and he told him to see an older gentleman inside the store about it, the man was nice enough to not only help us charge the battery but actually drive Michael to the store and back and offer him use of his tools. It took Michael a couple of hours to get us up and running, and we drove by the man’s place to say thank you again and let him know we had fixed the car and were leaving, but he was not home. Yes, he told us where he lived [behind the gas station by the motel] in case the kids and I needed anything while he and Michael were gone.
I was not thrilled about getting back on the road, actually, to be quite honest and extremely ridiculous, I felt a little betrayed by my car but while Louisiana was beautiful, I am glad that we didn’t allow fear to end the trip because everyone had fun in Florida and my kids were long overdue some quality time with that side of the family.
Here are some things that I want everyone to know about scary moments like this one:
1. Don’t panic. Yes, you are human, and you are scared, but react, find a way to keep you and your family, as well as other drivers, safe. There will be time to scream and cry later; you just have to survive the madness.
2. Get your loved ones out of that car and away from it, that way if someone does hit the car, the kids are as safe as you can have them at that time. The car is replaceable, the kids are not.
3. PLEASE, for the love of all that is Holy, get off your phones when you are driving, and when you see cops or any car really, on the side of the road, slow down. The officers were in as much danger out there as we were, and they were just trying to do their jobs. There is nowhere you need to be, or anything on your phone that justifies you recklessly driving like a bat out of hell, especially when you see that there are cars and/or cops on the side of the road. Better late or unread than dead. Seriously.
4. Society tells us we live in a world full of selfish, hateful people but I don’t believe that is the case. Yes, there are some bad apples out there, but that does not speak for the vast majority of people. The cops involved did not need to assist as much as they did; the woman did not need to drive by the police station to make them aware of our situation, the men did not need to pull over and tow us off the bridge, and the older man did not need to drive Michael to the store. No one had to do anything, and yet everyone took the initiative to help. And I am so thankful that they did.
5. Flare emergency kits are affordable and should be accessible in a car when you are driving long distances, especially when it’s dark. Also, consider the clothes you wear when you are driving long distances. I believe that not just the flashlights but the light blue colored shirts we all had on helped a lot.
As I put this out there, I hope and pray that everyone involved that night knows how grateful we are for them. I pray that God blesses each and every one of you every day. I pray to God for him to keep the officers safe. One of them was fairly new to the job, and another was on the verge of retiring but with a son just 5 years into his career as a police officer. Everyone out there that night assisting us has a life of their own, a family to get home to, and yet everyone went out of their way to make sure that my family & I made it home safe. Thank you for all that you did for us that night. Even the smallest gesture was bigger than you know.
The most important lesson I took from this was, that God is always faithful. He did not promise us life would be easy, uneventful, and free of hardships. He promised that we would not be alone, and we weren’t. Yes, many people helped, but it was God’s hand on all of us that kept everyone safe on that bridge that night. I love my family but it wasn’t just our safety I was worried about, someone hitting our car could have been just as dangerous for them as it was for us or even another car driving by at that moment, there were so many things that could have gone wrong but they didn’t and in the end, it was all just a very important life lesson about resting peacefully on God’s love and faithfulness when everything seems at it’s worse for He will not fail you, He will not forsake you and He will never let you down.
-Naryamie
Some random pics from that night:
An online picture I found of the bridge we were stranded on.The motelProof of survival for a friend
Over the course of the last few of months I have become obsessed with the need to travel, to find a beach, to feel the sand and hear the sound of the crashing waves.
It is funny how something that I once took so much for granted, is so incredibly missed now, that I would almost do anything for the chance to experience it again. I don’t think its natural for anyone born on a tropical island to be this far away from a beach.
Try as I may, I can’t recall the exact moment when I decided to turn to large bodies of waters to quiet the stress of every day, but then for as long as I can remember they have always just sort of been there. It was always the obvious place to go to, whether to hang out or drown out life…
Its really hard to find yourself afflicted by much of anything life can throw at you when you are standing on the shore. The waves crash at your feet, the sound is soothing in ways that only someone familiar with it can fully comprehend. The sand, annoying as though it may be, offers an odd kind of comfort and distraction. The majestic sky is stunning any time of day or night and together, the immensity of it all allows for the absolute certainty that God is real and no problem is too big or small for He who created such a stunning image for our viewing pleasure.
In the late of 1998, in the company of the then boyfriend, I fell in love with the place that is barely identifiable at the end of the picture. Towards the end of the year, E & I used to spend a lot of time looking out at the waters & listening to the sounds of the crashing sea from the outside of the stunning Castillo San Felipe del Morro in Old San Juan.
At this point in my life my grandfather, who had been the only reliable male figure in my life up until that point, was in the hospital & coincidentally enough my sister was in and out of the same hospital with one of the many different illnesses that plagued her through most of 1999. My mom practically lived in that hospital & my step dad spent much of his time at work and helping out my mom and that created a vacant slots for a pair responsible adults to run the house and manage other areas of life and E & I spent a lot of time graciously [or as graciously as 2 teenagers could] taking over said roles. This place served as a haven, on the weekends, where we could just drown out and sometimes even quiet our hectic life.
By February of 2000 my grandfather passed away and not long after his death E & I went our separate ways, not for his lack of trying or being loving and supportive through my grief. He was perfect, in just about every way a 18 yr old boy can be when his 17 yr old girlfriend’s life is nothing short of a soap opera, and with that break up came the string of horribly thought out decisions that would later become what I now call my life… but I am getting away from the point of the story.
Shortly after E & I went our separate ways, I was introduced to a quiet little piece of heaven [picture not included] by a couple of friends. Slightly hidden in plain sight in the tourist trap that is Isla Verde, and as time went on, this place, the place that for almost a year now I have found myself dreaming about, became like a 2nd home for me. Or maybe more like a 3rd.
It was, or could very well still be, a quiet little strip of beach conveniently close to a bar and even more conveniently empty, where memories & dreams were born. A place that became so close to my heart, I cannot for the life of me remember a single memory that isn’t attached to it in one way or another, and try as hard as I may I cant imagine how it is that I haven’t set foot there in over 7 years.
Its a place where many bad days came to an end, in the company of those who once upon a time knew me better than I knew myself. A place so full of peace that everything else just melted away. A place that embodied love and friendship but most importantly, childhood and innocence. It is a place that represents everything that was simple at a time where it did not seem so. A place that now serves as the reminder of those simpler days, before cell phones and iPod’s, where people could share so much and yet say so little.
I find myself homesick for a place that is not really home and yet the closes thing to. A place that is more of a representation of something than it is something in and of itself, and that can be found simply by locating the nearest beach, which for me, in this God forsaken state is about 8 hrs south or 10 hrs west.
I find myself longing for my safe place. Dreaming of the one thing that always put this insane world into perspective. Hoping beyond hope, for the feel of the sand, the sounds of the crashing waves and the smell of the salty air…. because that is the one place where everything makes sense and yet nothing really matters.
It is where I find peace. Where I feel safe and loved. Where I lay doubts to rest and I am certain of so much more than I ever should be. Its where I always find God’s peace, love and presence.
It is without a doubt the one place on earth where I finally feel like I belong…
It is the ONE place on earth that will ever fully own my heart. It is truly the love of my life.
These days, I hate logging onto Facebook.
I have un-followed a lot of pages because I feel like everyone is sharing something or other to cause anger and chaos. Everyone has something to complaint about. Everything is such a problem. The rights of the left have been affected but who cares about those of us on the right…
People want what they want without thinking {or caring} about how it affects everyone else. We all want liberty and equality until someone disagrees with you and then they must be silenced.
We are being played folks. We are being pitted off against each other, and I for one can help but wonder WHY?
We need to learn to disagree and respect.
I disagree with a lot of things I see, hear and know and yet I respect the people who are making the choices. It is their life.
I have remained silent on the Obamacare/Hobby Lobby issue but, I noticed how it was OK {for a lot of people} for the law to force someone to pay for a procedure for someone else, that they wouldn’t pay for, for themselves and yet when the courts rules for Hobby Lobby that became an issue.
Why do you want the government and your employer to have a say in what happens in your bedroom? To have a say in what you do with your body? I cant grasp that.
Friends, I love you and I am here for you in good and bad times, but I would NOT put myself through an abortion and I would not pay for/loan you the money to pay for yours. I respect your choice to have an abortion but I wont go with you to get one either.
I can be your friend and disagree with you. I don’t have to approve or agree with all of your choices, I just have to love you in-spite of them. If that makes me a bad friend in your eyes, than I really am sorry you feel that way.
There really is no excuse, in the age of technology, where everything is one click away, for people to not be better educated on abstinence, birth controls and condoms. Ignorance shouldn’t even be an option these days.
We have computers, smart phones and smart cars and yet people are getting dumber by the minute. Actions have consequences folks, we all know that.
Sex leads to pregnancy as it has since the dawn of time, why are people suddenly so shocked? And when did having a family become so wrong? I know, getting married and having children isn’t for everyone but there are other methods, other options. Abortion isn’t the only answer to the problem.
I have chosen to be quiet all this time because my views don’t fall to one end or the other, and that in itself is a problem for some. I have to pick a side. I have to, they say! But life is messy and complicated, so why do we expect things to be so black and white?
Think on this, if you will:
You are the only one that has to live with the consequences of your actions. You are the one who has to be able to sleep at night. You can be pro or against abortion or any other topic, but you have to respect that while you may be for it, there are those of us who are against it and vice-a-versa. You wouldn’t want someone to shove their views down your throat and yet you are so quick to shove yours down theirs? Why must you have someone else’s approval on your views? You are allowed to feel and think as you please. You are an individual! Are you really so insecure that you have to have the worlds approval?
Yes, I am a Christian, I believe in God and The Bible. Maybe you reading this, do not share my views and that is OK. You may be right or I may be, we don’t really know for sure and when we do know, it will be too late, we cant come back from death to say “I am sorry, I was wrong.”
But I will leave knowing that I have loved people, encouraged them, supported them and always told them my true views to the best of my abilities. I will not shove my God and my anti-abortion views down your throat. Please don’t shove your views down mine. I am willing to discuss our different views, I am very open minded but don’t get upset if you cant change my mind.
At the risk of sounding dramatic, our nation is in trouble.
We The People, no longer matter.
We The People, work ourselves to death, neglect family time and just about everything else to pay bills,keep a roof over our heads and food on the table [though many work and cant even do that] and keep our government living a lifestyle that we can only dream about. We have to come together, we have to find a common ground and together, fight for what is best for this country, for the people here now and the children who will have this world tomorrow. What are we leaving them? Nothing worth having.
They have us fighting among ourselves on topics that while relevant to many, are not exactly as important as the topics that are being ignored. Take a step back and see the whole picture, keep an open mind, be willing to learn something educate yourself on both sides of the argument and learn something new and you might be surprised to see all that you’ve missing…
It is every parents dream to raise children they can be proud of. Proper men and women, good people, hard-workers of strong character and beliefs who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in… Well, at lease that’s my dream.
I can’t take full credit for my children. It really does take a village and while for many people, the village sucks, mine is very awesome. I truly have an incredibly support system, husband, mom, sister, brother in law, aunts and friends. Everyone pours a little bit of their awesomeness into these kids and it shows in them every single day.
We teach the kids that you do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. You help where you can, and you don’t do it for praise or recognition. God is watching and that truly is all you need. However, I am allowed to be a proud mom, aren’t I?
Yesterday, June 29th 2014, as I was running errands with the kids, we stumbled upon a mother of two begging for money. I had to turn her away, because my son had just made me donate all my change for the homeless pets at PetSmart not 20 minutes earlier. I know, people have a problem with giving money away to homeless and beggars, I have heard all your reasons for this, but God knows I’m giving them the money to help, what they choose to do with it, is up to them, but I digress.
Kaleb, who turned 10 in February, told me as we walked away that he had a $5 bill he wanted to give to them. I asked him repeatedly if he was sure he wanted to give the money away, he is taking a trip with my mom in just a few short weeks and has been saving some money for it and multiple times he said that, yes, he really did want her to have it and so we turned around and called out to her and he opened up his wallet and gave her the money. She wouldn’t take it at first. The look of shock was clear on her face and she looked at me for confirmation, I said “it’s OK. He wants you to have it.” And she took it, with tears in her eyes. I really wished I could have done more, and I’m hindsight, I guess I really could have but at the moment I was wrapped up in the errands and totally forgot that Walmart was full of opportunities to help.
Today, just less than 24 hrs after Kaleb’s act of love upon a stranger, I am sitting at Illusions Beauty Salon in Grand Prairie, anxiously awaiting Anika’s turn…
About 3 months ago, my 6 yr old daughter (who turns 7 in November) approached us with the wish to donate her long hair to the Children with Hair Loss. I did the research and while they do welcome all hair donations, the hair they use for the pieces for the children has to be at lease 10″ from tip to tip. I explained this to her and she was willing to wait because she wanted her hair to go a child who needed it more than she did, those were her exact words.
So here we are, finally taking the plunge. Her hair grew roughly 6″ in 3 months… And now it’s {mostly} gone.
As her mom, it was one of the most mixed feeling moments of my life with her thus far. Proud of her and yet really wishing she would choose to keep it and yet knowing how selfish and petty I was being. It is just hair after all, it will grow and this provides her with a much needed change.
As a parent, it is very difficult to let go, to sit back and allow your child to make his or her own decision {age appropriate decisions} and trust that they have been listening to all that you have been teaching them. In this particular instance, both of my children’s heart were in the right place and I was right in allowing them to make their decisions all on their own.
I grew up on Disney movies. I think, most of us did.
Some of my favorite Disney movies as a child were Aladdin, The Lion King, and The Little Mermaid is my absolutely favorite Disney princess, even though the Princess’ were never really my thing.
Recently, I came home to be sold on the many reason’s why I needed to watch Frozen. Now mind you, I was already curious of the movie because in the weeks following its release I had stumbled upon this little jewel right here. I think a friend of mine had shared it on Facebook or something and of course at the moment I hadn’t seen it yet and so I couldn’t comment for it or against it.
I am a very strict mom that pays very close attention to everything my children [who are 10 & 6] are exposed to, I monitor and have final say in everything they read, play and watch. You may not agree with how I parent these kids, and that is OK. We can argue that point at a later time.
I have since watched Frozen a handful of times, always reaching the same conclusion about the movie and the aforementioned post, which is this:
It saddens me. It absolutely breaks my heart that the message that these two men took from the movie Frozen, was that it promotes homosexuality. I consider myself a very open minded person, and I would love to hear these two explain HOW they got to the conclusion that the movie promotes homosexuality in our children, but since that wont happen, I must reach some conclusions of my own.
It cannot be because of the fact that Anna braved the winter to find Elsa.
I cannot be because Anna did all she could to bring Elsa home.
It cannot be because the act of true love that saved Anna’s life was sacrificing herself for Elsa.
I know for a fact that none of these can possibly be the reasons for the point of view they reached because Elsa and Anna are sister who lost their parents at a young age and only have each other and in truth, isn’t family the most important thing?
I’m the oldest of 2 girls in my house, my mom is the oldest of 3. If there was one thing I grew up knowing is that you do anything for family, short of killing someone for no reason, that is.
Yes, I am aware that this is just a movie and that this is just the ignorant opinion of two people who represent “Christianity” and maybe that is why it bothers me so much, because lately there is so much bad representation of the Christian community in the media. And maybe I am just over-reacting to the ignorance. Or maybe their ignorance bothers me BECAUSE I would jump in front of a bullet for my sister, and my sister would do so as well for me. And I really believe that to be the case with most of us when it comes to our family, whether siblings or children or parents… Does this make us homosexual? Does putting my life on the line for someone I love make me gay? And if so, then am I mistaken in my interpretation of what 90% of the Bible teaches? Because here I thought the main concept of the Bible was to teach you to love. To love friends and family and neighbors and strangers, prostitutes, homosexuals, tax collectors and widows and just about every type or sinner there is. . .
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” -John 15:13
For some months now I have been meaning to sit down and write this for you to [maybe] some day find.
I do not feel as though I owe you an explanation, but here I am taking up my rare free time to give that which you have not earned. Rest assured that it is more for me, than it is for you.
Over the course of the last 13 yrs you have been a constant ghost in my life. A black cloud which comes and goes and which never leaves sunshine behind.
It has been 13 yrs of walking on the proverbial hamster wheel, watching the same scenery go by, never allowing anything to truly move forward. Especially not ourselves, not with those endless walks down memory lane. But the view has been… distorted. We stopped seeing things as though they really were many years ago and seem to have chosen to write a children’s bedtime fantasy in its place. I allowed this distorted vision of the past to twist my reality of the present and the future, and along with that little mistake came the pedestal in which I put you on for no other reason than that I convinced myself that you were the greatest friend to ever walk the earth. Not quite so true thought, is it?
So pathetically predictable have we been, that I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that, you will be back, you always are. Only this time you wont find me, and for this reason alone is that I am leaving behind this explanation. or lack there of.
Our friendship, and I use the term loosely, has been an intense roller-coaster ride of emotions that fluctuate so frequently that I don’t think we have ever, once, been on the same page. And while your choices were never quite fair to me, I always respected them though I did not always understand them.
Why did it always have to be all or nothing?
In the past though, as you walked away from me for the millionth time, I was always left feeling hurt, slighted and rejected, something I don’t think you ever really thought about. I always took comfort in the fact that you would undoubtedly return, as you always did, and this time things would be different, and though they never were, I always believed things would one day change once and for all.
So why are we here?
Because people change.
I changed.
And though you left once again, like a thief in the night with the promise of tomorrow, this time I found myself realizing something powerful. I felt relieved that you were gone. Not at first, mind you. At first I was as angry as I have always been and in a mess of tears because I allow you to do this time and time again, and that was when I started to realized that my anger was not at you, but at me.
I prayed about it and I realized that the only way to change things once and for all, was for me to do so.
I wish I could say its been a pleasure, but you & I both know that would be a lie.
“Letting go isn’t a one time thing. It’s something you do every day, over and over again.” -Dawson’s Creek
