I wish this was one of those posts where I tell you how to wait on The Lord.
Waiting is not something I do well. Patience is something I struggle with. Knowing that God has made ways before but has chosen to make me wait, can make me angry if I let myself. I no longer let myself.
I know that I can trust Him. I know that He won’t fail, yet somehow, it doesn’t make the waiting any easier.
Time and again, I find that the anticipation of what’s to come makes me anxious to the point of exhaustion. I want to know when, how & why but I’m fully aware I don’t need to know because He does.
God is asking me to trust, He is asking me to wait.
“Be still & know that I am God…” He said, once again.
It’s hard because I want to find ways, as if He needs me to. I want to do, to solve, to find a way to bring some solution to the situation, to bring forth the change I know we need, but it’s not like I haven’t already exhausted every avenue.
The only thing I truly have not tried to do is actually waiting on Him. Patiently. Quietly.
Fully out of His way.
Waiting from a position of victory. Waiting with praise & gratitude.
He tells me, He reminds me, but the concept is still somewhat foreign to me. Then there are days when it feels as though we’ve waited too long already. I know I am not forgotten by Him, I’m just impatient. Almost desperate for a “normal” that I know does not exist.
You haven’t asked but I’ll tell you:
Without my toxic comfort blanket I feel exposed. Defeated.
I know I am not.
God said He would & I know He will… I just struggle a lot with His timing for no other reason than I want things on my time.
I look back at the last 14 months & see every time I allowed my impatience to make things worse because I let the voice of doubt sneak in. Sometimes I wonder if we’d be out of here by now if I had learned to leave things alone long ago.
I know this was the right avenue for us. I know He said He would & He will. I know that waiting on Him truly is our only Hope.
I’m just really struggling to find my footing in my new normal. Like the Israelites were in the wilderness, knowing they were miserable as slaves in Egypt, not really knowing how adapt & be thankful for what God was doing for them in that moment. Their entitlement lead to complaints, which prolonged the time they spent out there. Their inability to adapt lead to the death of a whole generation that did not set foot in the promise land.
I don’t want to rob myself of His promise.
I used to joke that I would do whatever someone asked if they paid my bills and managed my life, now I find God Himself offering me the exact deal & I struggle to surrender to Him the same control that I once gave the US Army. Don’t ask me to make it make sense, I can’t.
“𝚈𝚎𝚝 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚛𝚍’𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝙸 𝚊𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐. 𝚆𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚛𝚍. 𝙱𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜. 𝚈𝚎𝚜, 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚛𝚍.”
𝙿𝚜𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚜 𝟸𝟽:𝟷𝟹-𝟷𝟺 𝙽𝙻𝚃
Yes, like David, I am confident I will see His promises while I live.
“𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚍—𝚋𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜! 𝙳𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚏𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚍 𝚘𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍.
𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙻𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝙶𝚘𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘.””
𝙹𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚊 𝟷:𝟿 𝙽𝙻𝚃
Like Joshua, I understand that our possessing the promised land is fully dependent on God alone.
Some days I wish God would send an angel to shut my mouth, or at the very least the overthinking part of my brain, like He did Zechariah.
Of course, that’s not why the angel was sent to him, his mute period was a byproduct of his lack of faith & frankly lack of faith is not something I can afford to have right now.
So I cling to Him, in this waiting period, trusting beyond measure. Losing myself in His Word. Remembering everything He has already done, that I once thought impossible. Allowing His past faithfulness to propel me forward into the unknown, believing in the victory He said would come.
Jesus Christ will see me through the end.
I just need to learn to wait.
“The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:25-26 NLT
“We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)”
Romans 8:24-25 NLT