The hardest realization has been the true condition of my heart.
The knowledge that somewhere along the road, I not only lost sight of who I was, but became someone I do not recognize.
I am struggling, under what feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I know Jesus is the one doing the heavy lifting.
And yet I feel myself drowning in a sea of emotions I do not understand, unable to process everything I am feeling and uncertain as to what any of it means.
I feel distracted, I keep having to redirect my thoughts, to keep focused on Him and trust that whatever I may feel, He is in control of every detail of my life.
Somedays I sit on the dining room bench and just stare at my orchid, reminding myself, repeatedly, that it is a beautiful reminder that God knew I would be here, in this place, at this time, with these struggles and I would need a visual reminder that He is with me, He loves me and He hears my cries.
Thank You, Jesus.
God’s faithfulness is overwhelming. I am fully aware of how undeserving I am, because I have not always been faithful to God.
Growth is a painful but important process, as is healing, and as crazy as it sounds, they are a part of the process I’ve come to not just understand, but crave. I know that He makes everything better in the end, but knowing does not necessarily make the process any easier.
It’s not that I was unaware that I had spiritual skeletons that needed to be unearthed and properly dealt with, none of this makes any difference, unless I have true repentance and true commitment, it’s just that I was just not expecting to come face to face with these particular skeletons.
I now realize that my pride got in the way of seeing things clearly. I was quick to judge what I did not understand and for that, God has stripped me naked. I am humbled by the fallibility of my humanity. It’s not my weakness that shakes me, it’s where the weakness lies.
I acknowledge that knowing better does not always mean, doing better and that God can use even my weakest moments to bring about His purpose in my life.
I trust you to lead me, Jesus.
Save me from myself, Lord.
“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need.
My power works best in weakness.”
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses,
so that the power of Christ can work through me.
That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses,
and in the insults, hardships, persecutions,
and troubles that I suffer for Christ.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2nd Corinthians 12: 8-10 NLT
Psalms 73 