5.19.23 PM
I still have much to learn, about patience and extending grace.
I still have to remind myself to keep my eyes on The Lord, almost continuously, because when I start to think I’m finally getting the hang of things, I stumble, which just adds to the frustration of the moment.
Nothing that happened today should’ve gotten the better of me, and I could give you a few excuses you’d consider valid, but I don’t because the truth is that I knew better, and yet I didn’t.
That’s life.
It did not take me long to recognize my mistake, redirect my energies and repent. But I feel irked that I let it get to me in the first place.
It’s a stressful time, for all of us, and just as I struggle with the weight on my shoulders, today I forgot that there are others that are struggling with theirs as well, and God calls me to love, serve and extend grace.
I have so much to be thankful for and, I am, but I lost my focus for a split second, I took my eyes off God and was quickly reminded why I don’t like to do that.
Now I wonder, how I will ever survive the next part of this journey?
No support team. No rays of sunshine. Just demanding adults who want life to be easier (who doesn’t?) without suffering (because who wants to suffer?) who are quick to impatience and can be selfish to the core.
But God.
I remind myself that He has never left me, and He never will.
Over and over God has confirmed that, slowly but surely, I am on His path.
I know that I would never choose this. This is not me, this is Him and I chose Him, I chose His Will over mine, and I know that where God guides, God provides.
Yes, even patience and grace.
Today was not a total loss. Granted, nothing went according to plan, but He allowed me to see a different perspective I had not considered until this very moment:
The growth.
The old me would’ve ranted and raved for days, calling others just as overwhelmed with life as me, every name imaginable, too focused on my anger and my troubles to care about anyone else. No remorse over those I might have snapped at.
On the contrary, I would’ve felt justified, but now I’m horrified.
These are my people, God gave them to me to love them, not get frustrated with them because He does not get frustrated with me.
I know God forgives me, and in due time, I’ll forgive myself too, but that does not answer the question, now, about how I will survive what is to come next, which is months away.
Unfortunately for me, that’s not today’s problem.
Fortunately for me, I have surrendered my life, and my problems to God.
I just need to keep focused on Him.
Thank You, God that no bad mood is wasted by You. You use all things for your Glory.
Thank You.
“Even when I walk through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue
me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.”
Psalms 23: 4-6 NLT
Psalms 73 